Friday 21 May 2021

The Me You Can't See: Prince Harry Has Found Peace

"Before the Oprah interview aired, because of their headlines and the combined effort of the Firm and the media to smear her, I was woken up in the middle of the night to her crying into her pillow. She didn't want to wake me up because I'm already carrying too much. That's heartbreaking. I held her, we talked, she cried and she cried and she cried."

Prince Harry paints a vivid and devastating picture with devastating honesty in remarkably candid conversations and admissions in The Me You Can't See. Those words describing that night in early March struck a chord for me and brought me back to a conversation I had with friends the day the Sussexes announced they were stepping back as a senior royals. I believed, though they would start a new life, they would carry the pain they endured in the UK with them wherever they go. I thought it would greatly ameliorate their circumstances when they escaped the toxic situation they were in, though I feared the media attacks would continue to be unbearable.

Sixteen months later, both have proven to be true. Harry and Meghan have forged a successful path in the US and settled in a new place they are said to see as their "forever home". In the background of this, I'm not quite sure there's been a single day where one, or both, hasn't been the subject of attacks in the press, often fueled by palace aides and sources. This is a couple healing, but as we all know, healing is a process that takes time. A process Harry bravely shared as he opened up for the series. Throughout years of working to destigmatize mental health, the Prince has always believed in asking others to talk and to share their deepest feelings. He knew he would have to do the same.

For Harry, it's a journey which began when he was 12 years old with the loss of his mother. Diana and Meghan dovetail the story of his pain. The two women he loves most in the world torn apart. One he lost and one he almost lost. After losing his mother, he masked his emotions. "My brain telling me that I'm in a fight? I never knew that. I was so angry with what happened to her and the fact that there was no justice at all." Speaking about that tragic night in Paris, he said, "The same people who chased her into the tunnel photographed her dying on the backseat of that car."

"It was a puzzling life. But unfortunately, when I think about my mum the first thing that comes to mind is always the same one over and over again." Harry remembered being in the car, "seatbelt across with my brother in the car as well and my mother driving, being chased by three, four, five mopeds with paparazzi on and then she was always unable to drive because of tears. There was no protection". He added, "One of the feelings that comes up with me always is the helplessness. Being too young. Being a guy but too young to be able to help a woman, in this case your mother. And that happened every single day."

Recalling the day of Diana's funeral, Harry said "he didn't want the life" of a royal, adding how difficult it was to "share the grief" of his mother's death with the world. "The thing I remember the most is the sound of the horse’s hooves going along the Mall. The red brick road. By this time both of us were in shock. It was like I was outside of my body and walking along just doing what was expected of me. Showing one tenth of the emotion that everybody else was showing. I thought, 'This is my mum. You never even met her.'"

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Speaking about dealing with panic attacks and severe anxiety, he explained, "I was just all over the place mentally. Every time I put a suit on and tie on, having to do the role, and go, 'right, game face,' look in the mirror and say, 'let's go.' Before I even left the house I was pouring with sweat. I was in fight or flight mode. I was willing to drink, I was willing to take drugs, I was willing to try and do the things that made me feel less like I was feeling." Harry realised it was because he was "trying to mask something". "My father used to say to me when I was younger, he used to say to both William and I: 'Well it was like that for me so it's going to be like that for you.' That doesn't make sense. Just because you suffered doesn't mean that your kids have to suffer, in fact quite the opposite -- if you suffered, do everything you can to make sure that whatever negative experiences you had, that you can make it right for your kids."

Harry said family members told him to "just play the game and your life will be easier; but I've got a hell of a lot of my mum in me. I feel as though I'm outside of the system, but I'm still stuck there. The only way to free yourself and break out is to tell the truth". He remarked, "I wasn't in an environment where it was encouraged to talk about it either, that was sort of, like, squashed." Someone once told Harry pain that is not "transmitted is transformed" and it has stayed with him since.

Looking back at life within the Royal family, Harry realised he was suffering burnout. "Towards my late 20s, everything became really hectic for me. To the point of exhaustion, I was traveling all over the place because from my family's perspective, I guess I was the person who was, like, 'We need somebody to go there. Nepal, Harry. You go.' I was always the 'yes' man. I was always one who didn't say yes, but then yes, yes, of course. Yes. Yes, yes, led to burnout."

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Meeting Meghan was a defining moment in Harry's life and as their relationship progressed her input was pivotal in his decision to seek therapy. "I saw doctors, I saw therapists, I saw alternative therapists. I saw all sorts of people. But it was meeting and being with Meghan, I knew that if I didn't do therapy and fix myself, that I was going to lose this woman who I could see spending the rest of my life with." Harry recalled how an argument with Meghan led to a major change in his life "There was a lot of learning right at the beginning of our relationship. She was shocked to be coming backstage of the institution of the British Royal family. When she said, 'I think you need to see someone,' it was in reaction to an argument that we had. And in that argument, not knowing about it, I reverted back to 12-year-old Harry. The moment I started therapy, it was probably within my second session, my therapist turned around to me and said, 'That sounds like you're reverting to 12-year-old Harry.' Harry described taking the step as "the start of a learning journey for me" and "became aware that I'd been living in a bubble within this family, within this institution and I was sort of almost trapped in a thought process or a mindset".



As he began an exciting new chapter with Meghan, he could never have imagined the events which would unfold as they looked forward to starting their lives as newlyweds. "I thought my family would help, but every single ask, request, warning, whatever, it just got met with total silence, total neglect. We spent four years trying to make it work. We did everything that we possibly could to stay there and carry on doing the role and doing the job. Meghan was struggling. I'm also really angry with myself that we're stuck in this situation. I was ashamed that it had got this bad. I was ashamed to go to my family because, to be honest with you, like a lot of other people my age could probably relate to, I know that I'm not going to get from my family what I need."


Discussing the terrible night Meghan confided she was having suicidal thoughts, Harry said, "Meghan decided to share with me the suicidal thoughts and the practicalities. The scariest thing for her was her clarity of thought. She was absolutely sober, she was completely sane, yet in the quiet of night these thoughts woke her up. The thing that stopped her seeing it through was how unfair it would be on me, after everything that had happened to my mum and to now be put into a position of losing another woman in my life, with a baby inside of her, our baby." He also spoke about how difficult it was to attend an event at the Royal Albert Hall that night. "Because of the system that we were in and the responsibilities and the duties that we had, we had a quick cuddle. And then we had to get changed and jump in a convoy with a police escort and drive to the Royal Albert Hall for a charity event and then step out into a wall of cameras and pretend as though everything is okay."

Harry knew leaving the UK was the best decision for his family. "One of the biggest lessons I've ever learned in life is you've sometimes got to go back and to deal with really uncomfortable situations and to be able to process it in order to be able to heal. For me, therapy has equipped me to be able to take on anything. That's why I'm here now. That's why my wife is here now." They felt "trapped within the family" and had "no option but to leave". Harry remembered: "Eventually, when I made that decision for my family, I was still told you can't do this."

"I then had a son, who I would far rather be solely focused on, rather than every time I look in his eyes wondering whether my wife is going to end up like my mother and I'm going to have to look after him myself. That was one of the biggest reasons to leave, feeling trapped, and feeling controlled through fear. Both by the media and by the system itself, which never encouraged talking about this kind of trauma." Now Harry is certain he "will never be bullied into silence".

Harry knew that "history was repeating itself". "Do I have any regrets? Yeah. My biggest regret is not making more of a stance earlier on in my relationship with my wife and calling out the racism when I did. History was repeating itself. My mother was chased to her death while she was in a relationship with someone that wasn't white and now look what's happened. You want to talk about history repeating itself; they're not going to stop until Meghan dies."

On returning to the UK for his grandfather's funeral, Harry revealed it was a "trigger". "I was like, 'Why do I feel so uncomfortable?' And of course, for me, London is a trigger, unfortunately, because of what happened to my mum and because of what I experienced and what I saw."

Harry's journey has taken him to a much happier place today. When asked how Diana would feel to see him now? "I have no doubt that my mum would be incredibly proud of me. I'm living the life that she wanted to live for herself; living the life that she wanted us to be able to live."

Harry believes his mother's helped him to get there. "I've never felt her presence more as I have done over the last year."

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His mother is never far from his mind and a photo of her hangs in Archie's nursery. "One of the first words that he said, apart from 'mama', 'papa', it was then 'grandma', Grandma Diana. It's the sweetest thing, but at the same time it makes me really sad, because she should be here."

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Harry's words on his mother in the documentary were echoed in a statement last night in response to findings Martin Bashir obtained the interview with the late princess using deceitful means. As I wrote at the beginning of the post, Harry's journey is very much through the lens of the incredibly difficult experiences the two women he loves dearly have experienced. His statement reflected that perfectly. "Our mother was an incredible woman who dedicated her life to service. She was resilient, brave, and unquestionably honest. To those who have taken some form of accountability, thank you for owning it. That is the first step towards justice and truth. Yet what deeply concerns me is that practices like these -- and even worse -- are still widespread today. Then, and now, it’s bigger than one outlet, one network, or one publication. Our mother lost her life because of this, and nothing has changed. By protecting her legacy, we protect everyone, and uphold the dignity with which she lived her life. Let’s remember who she was and what she stood for."

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Sharing his thoughts on the interview with Oprah, he said, "I like to think we were able to speak truth in the most compassionate way possible, therefore leaving an opening for reconciliation and healing. The interview was about being real, being authentic and hopefully sharing an experience that we know is incredibly relatable to a lot of people around the world despite our unique privileged position."

Now on the other side, Harry reflected, "I think we've done a really good job and I have no regrets. It's incredibly sad, but I have no regrets at all, because now I'm in a place where I feel as though I should have been four years ago. Making this move was really scary. At every possibly opportunity, the forces that were working against us tried to make it impossible." Harry said he has "learned more about myself in the last four years than I have in the 32 years before that. I have my wife to thank for that". Harry added he's "still the person that I was, but I’m just a better version of that. I kind of feel that this was always meant to be". The words of a man who has finally found peace.

It is a fascinating series, delving into struggles so many of us are experiencing. It's educational, inspiring, tear-jerking. A snapshot of the state of our mental health and a reminder of the value of having someone in our lives to turn to. For Harry it was Meghan, for Oprah it was her teachers. If you or someone you know needs to reach out, The Me You Can't See website has relevant information covering a multitude of countries.

A reminder you can avail of a 7 day free trial on Apple+.

68 comments:

  1. To quote Sharon Stone from the movie "Gloria," It is what it is. Attempts to convince us that they are lying are pretty weak. There must be a powerful bond between Meghan and Harry to have survived and thrived. Harry is feeling that his mother is on his side; it's hard without a relative's support. I guess he has just Meghan's mom and his mom. There's a reason William is so close to Kate's family.

    It would be lovely for his relatives to appreciate how he is also helping them and their children. While most of the Queen's great-grandchildren will grow up as non-working royals, there will still be residual issues and they can learn from Harry's growth. I think W&K's children can also; I so hope in the future that the job becomes less rigid and more symbolic. I hope George, Charlotte, and Louis can become a dentist, a professor, a chef and not have guilt. Some institutions are not sustainable, although there can continue to be state dinners, symbolic events, etc.

    The issue is not that Harry is "attacking his father and grandparents"; the issue is that he found a way to heal after what was done TO him, and to Meghan. Turning the blame onto the victim is too common. One never hears "I'm sorry" -- just "that didn't happen."

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    1. Thank you.Your comment is inspiring ,authentic and poignant .I agree ����

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    2. I thought very long about your comment, hence this late response. I agree that the issue should be H&M building a future. Why that is not what the headlines concentrate on has several reasons.
      I disagree that his decision will be helpful to any of the others. HMTQ has eight grandchildren. Five carry some sort of title. As of now- only one is actually a working royal. Five of the others have weathered building their own future outside with normal jobs (I include Harry in this number). Two aren’t of age yet. She has ten great grandchildren as of today (soon to be twelve). Only three hold some sort of title. So all the other nine will, as their parents, have to find a job. Harry really is more in a position to learn from his cousins. They all made the transition successfully and are raising their children in that light.
      Non of those great grandchildren apart from the direct line will play a role in the monarchy. And neither parent seem to be bothered by it. The only one ever complaining before was Andrew when his daughters lost their right to protection around 2000(?). The young women themselves didn’t seem to mind at all (at least publicly). No one else has ever complained about having to make their own money, build their own business, having to pay rent if they don’t life on crown property (and I think the older grandchildren paid at least symbolic rent when not living with their parents), not carrying titles or gifted honours, not getting paid for protection and so on. Harry is not the son of the monarch just yet and by judging PC’s health in pictures from recent years he won’t have that status for long. So I definitely don’t agree with any argument why he is special in regard to his cousins.
      C.

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  2. In processing his own mental health struggles and trying to get through something really powerful for him and come out a better life for it, he is really hurting others around him. It's really sad that is the way this is being dealt with finally.

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    1. He is hurting the people who did not help him and who let, and continued to let, ugly stories about Meghan come out. I believe the palace "people" felt that H&M were not helpful to the lineage and needed to be maligned and eliminated.

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    2. Rebecca

      Although I appreciate your opinion. The fact is any so called "hurt" that the "others" may feel is totally self imposed. It is called GUILT.

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  3. Susan in Florida22 May 2021 at 01:42

    Today both of Diana’s boys spoke out, it’s sad they can’t let her Rest In Peace because of the press. Harry is very brave to share what he went through and learned. He does sound like man who is finding inner peace. Thank you Charlotte for sharing the website The Me You Can’t See. There will be people who will seek better mental health because Harry has shared his pain. Although I am sorry he had to go through it all.

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  4. I ache for Harry, a man I do not know but for the snippets of direct quotes shared through Charlotte. We all have our own truth. But, how many of us truly sit down with the people in our lives to tell them of the goodness they have meant to us or to the unforgivable hurt they have brought to us. As the saying goes, no man is an island unto himself but how often have the people in our lives who we love dearly made us feel this way. Is it courage or true despair that brings one to their tipping point when the only thing that matters is personal survival at any cost. I have followed the Royal Family for years but more so in the past ten years through Charlotte who I personally believe is a very accurate reporter of Royal history. What started for me as a fun distraction revolving around fashion choices and visiting far away places through the travels of the young royals has turned into so much more. Although I will continue to read and comment I have developed an actual distain for the hypocrisy of the older royals. It has come to light that they are serious actors dressed in appropriate clothing, good manners and a monologue of appropriate words to fit the particular occasion while affirming each other with their overindulgent smiling and laughing at each other. In my opinion they are not a family as most readers could identify with and money and position has nothing to do with it. Families are about love, the kind of love that stops the world when you are needed. Families make unimaginable sacrifices for each other happiness both in good times and in bad rather then the notion that self serving notions must take presentence. Its truly unfortunate that Harry was born into the wrong family. The flip side of the coin is that he has learned the hard way and his family will be built on skills he has acquired and feelings to be shared and his heart opened wide to accept his and Meghan's children as they are and the chain of hurt will be broken.

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  5. Thank you so very much, Charlotte, for highlighting Harry’s truths and the cruelty of the Firm, the British media, and the Royal Family itself.

    Prof Kate Williams tweet is the perfect, heartbreaking summation.

    It seems the claim that Meghan snatched the poor, gullible, unsuspecting Harry is proved false by Harry’s admission that he would lose her if he didn’t address the anger he unjustly aimed at her. He basically was emotionally arrested at age 12 when he shut down.

    Here are the things that I cannot understand.

    How does British society and law allow for a press that literally tears people to shreds with it’s piling on of vicious untruths? Where does the law stand on this? It seems a blood sport that much of Britain enjoys. Is that so? And why?

    It seems that the Monarchy holds the place of religion in much of the British psyche. Despite the glaring dysfunction and even cruelty we have repeatedly witnessed from their members, so many people continue to deny these dark realities and attack those exposing these truths. It must be down to centuries of indoctrination about how great these people are, and to the need to project a kind of perfection onto this family. The perfection of the Royal Family somehow elevates the identity of the subjects? It’s an interesting psychoanalysis of this collective need. It’s mind-boggling to an outsider like me.

    I am so very happy that Harry and Meghan are in a better place. I hope they will continue to heal, and that they will be able to ignore the bloodsport so many vicious people still enjoy against them. What a disgrace!

    R

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  6. Wow. I felt Harry’s words to the core. So honest, vulnerable and eloquent. It’s one thing to read about what people think of Harry’s actions, and another to hear his own truth in his own words. So happy for him and Meghan.

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    1. You speak to the point. There is no other peoples opinion of clarity necessary.

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  7. I don't click on stories about the royals anymore because of what these two went thru. I see those stories now in a new light. I wish only the best for the Sussexes.

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    1. Same here. No Daily Mail, Express, or Sun for me.

      -Victoria in Oregon

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  8. Becca in Colorado22 May 2021 at 04:34

    I’ve watched the first 2 episodes so far and they are powerful.

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  9. I don't mean to sound critic to anyone but I'm just curious, didn't he say he want to therapy thanks to his brother back during the Heads together days? Did he and William and Kate lie back then? Or maybe I just don't remember well.

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    1. I have the same question. In “The Me You Can’t See” he mentioned trying a bunch of doctors, therapists, etc, before Meghan, but it sounded like maybe he didn’t stick with it seriously until she gave him the ultimatum. I’m still a little confused, but that’s what I understood from it.

      -Victoria in Oregon

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    2. He did. I guess that therapy didn’t help him after all.

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    3. I also recall Harry saying that it was through his brothers advice that he sought help in his struggle with appearances as part of the job. It was the first time I believe I heard him speak of the common term of being in the "fight/flight mode".
      I do not recall Kate being involved in the statement. I do think his current reference to therapy that began four years ago at Meghan's suggestion may had been
      in reference to not wanting to loose her as she became aware of his struggles through words they had that were misdirected anger. I interpreted his current statements as what he has come to realize that his current healthy emotional state has come as a result of that positive therapy that gave him cause to perhaps exam his entire life experience to this point rather then a singular event. I believe that some therapy centers in on singular events and getting past them while other forms of therapy look at the entire scope of issues. Just a personal opinion.

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    4. It is on the record that Harry said, it was William who suggested to him to get therapy (that was the very first time, or “ROUND ONE”/ the public knows about). That was most likely over six years ago.

      The “anger” Meghan saw, and her suggestion after they have an argument, “you need to see someone” most likely dealt with “ROUND TWO” circumstances/ more recent/ post Meghan and his relationship. It seems the experience of flash photography during official engagements, the tabloids, his BRF dynamics, royal aids control, combined with the demand of the job (in some cases unfairly), a new marriage, child, “campaign smear”, "neglect by family/institution" and eternally waiting for approval to wait or stay (“flight or fight not limited just to this experience) is the "ROUND TWO". All of this cumulated effect must have at some point “triggered” him as well as start to affect the couple’s relationship (argument, then Meghan “saw the anger” and asked him to be in therapy.

      I watched a snippet of some of the videos posted from “The Me You Can’t see” and read this blog as well. I watched in late February (last post was an error / not in April) the Lady Gaga interview with Oprah. The effect of mental status on the body (there is a lot of truth in that).

      It is a lot to absorb for the reader, viewer, or observer if one wants to have a more complete, objective, and rational understanding of the purpose/benefit/pitfall of the documentary. Before even returning back to the Oprah interview after a lapse of time gap and watch it again, Harry’s interview is out through the May pod cast. Still wondering what is going on, the Apple documentary is out. It is a lot in less than 90 days along with watching one era ending with PP’s funeral.

      “The Me You Can’t See” is not just about Prince Harry. Each participant says something to share. It is most likely an important documentary swallowed with pre - existing recent dramatic interviews of Harry and/or the couple. I want to dedicate time assigned to it and watch each one of the stories. It may also be very important in understanding Harry in a little more context. Most likely, I will watch it on Apple after two weeks when I will have "real good and free time".


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    5. As someone who lost her mother at age 16. I understand that both Harry and William's pain will NEVER go away. However with both having their own families they find some sort of solace with the happiness they have. And this is Harry protecting his wife and child(ren) from the pain he saw his mother experience. Harry grieved publicly, speaking about his loss publicly helps his healing, though the scars remain.

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    6. By all accounts- he himself said he did recieve therapy before. Same as Wiliam by the way. Maybe it didn't work out? But it leaves the question, why he couldn't get therapy again for himself or Meghan? Why he was even ashamed of her problems? Why he didn't tell them how bad it had gotton? Why he didn't urge Meghan to tell her OB or did himself? I hear a lot of things that were never mentioned. Not everyone is very recpetive. The BRF is no close-knit family. Whoever believed that was a victim to their PR game in the last 7 years. Long time watchers know that. They won't realise your ill till they get your doctor's notice. I don't want to diminish their tragedy but they also didn't tell anyone what was really going on or sought help. It seems to me alot comes down to severe communication differences and problems.

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  10. Hi Charlotte. Thank you for the post. Do you think Harry will sue Martin Bashir and the BBC. It seems to me their actions had very serious consequences possibly far more than anything since?

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    1. More importantly for me the question is will the Palace continue to "court" the reporters and invite them to be part of the pool that travels and courts the royals in general. If they do, the action speaks volumes. A 25 year cover up that truly change the history of the monarchy deserve serious consequences that sends a message a clear and present message for the future.

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    2. USA granny, do you believe it is the palace's choice to have the press everytime everywhere? They are not courting it. They have to be answerable and transparent. The UK is a democracy and public figures cannot act secretly. How could they ban the press, or worse only part of it they don't like? There is a pool precisely to allow all papers access.

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  11. I’m so happy for them and particularly Harry. As you said, Charlotte, his words reflect a feeling and knowing of peace.

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  12. Jessica from Philly22 May 2021 at 16:19

    I'm such a huge fan of theirs. Its amazing what true love can accomplish and unless you've found it you cannot fathom it. I see two people who are constantly trying to help others and each other and I love reading about them. They have met their other half and I'm so happy for them both. I hope they can continue to grow and heal

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  13. beautiful post Charlotte. reading it all made me cry. wathing harry talk about his pain made me cry. seeing prince william make the statement about how his mother was deceived by the BBC also made me cry. the whole situation is so sad to see how the royal family has broken up. I am glad Harry can hopefully be at peace after this series and that there will be healing within his family. I am glad too Diana is getting some form of justice she was wronged all through her royal life right to the end truly heartbreaking.

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  14. "I was ashamed that it had got this bad. I was ashamed to go to my family because, to be honest with you, like a lot of other people my age could probably relate to, I know that I'm not going to get from my family what I need." Sad, sad, sad ! we are in the 21st century and his family prefers an out-of-age institution instead of the well-being of one of his children.

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    1. Is this not the core of the issue! At all cost, the institution comes first. How many have suffered as a result of this unreasonable standard of living. Did not Prince Philip suffer? Did not Princess Margaret suffer? We know by Harry's words that Prince Charles suffered and thought his sons should accept their personal lot in life because of the simple act of being born. Did not Princess Diana suffer? It will be carried on the shoulders of Prince William to change history.

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    2. Susan in Florida23 May 2021 at 15:19

      Sadly , many people do not get what they need from their families. It’s not that they don’t love each other, it’s the way they were all brought up to express emotions or relate to each other. It’s also how that family views getting help for issues. The one who breaks the pattern or identifies there is a pattern is always the odd one out. I feel sad for Harry & Meghan because part of work is to emotionally replace your dysfunctional family of origin with friends who can meet your needs. But doing that work means the person still has to tip-toe around their family. It seems the BRF let their gray suits run things to the point where they forgot time off to just be human.

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  15. He has found love which Meghan reciprocates..something unfortunately his amazing mother didn’t have. I hope he can make peace with his brother... in their world there are few they can trust, and surely you can trust a brother? LRB

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    1. I pray too for true reconciliation with his brother. I think they both have some wounds from their traumatic childhood. It must be so very difficult to experience divorce, death of a mother, and funeral all in a public way.
      And on the subject of their mother’s funeral... I remember it and watched it all. I was much younger then and don’t see things quite like I do now. I too thought the Queen should come back to London and speak to her grieving public. We the public demanded a large, public funeral. Hence we have those pics of William and Harry walking behind their mother’s coffin. None of us know of course what the Royal Family would have done because we are not privy to their conversations. It in my opinion I think they would have opted for a small, family funeral where the boys and the rest could have grieved privately. So I think we the public should shoulder some of that responsibility of how difficult that was for the boys.on the other hand.... it was very obvious that Diana touched many lives and these people also wanted to show their loss and grief.
      Covid showed us with Prince Phillip’s funeral that both can be done without the huge crowds and huge publicity.
      This is getting long winded so I will stop!
      I was as disappointed as everyone else when Harry & Meghan left their Royal duties. But it sounds like they made the right decision and I respect that.

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    2. November Nanny your observations make great sense, but what part of 'public pressure' was there to make Diana's funeral public so that all could grieve her loss? Had it been a private affair, what would have been the fall out for that? As it was they were under great criticism for not reacting properly, so it seems that the decision was the best for the circumstances, who knows. We can all think that we know what has gone on with the Royal Family, but the truth is that we don't and as a family that lives their live in the fish bowl of the public eye, it must be hard. I also agree that I was disappointed when Harry & Meghan left, but it wasn't for them, and I respect that decision to deal with their public life on their own terms. But the press has not been kind to the royals throughout the years, and in that Harry and Meghan are not unique.

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    3. You are right that we don’t know what the Royals base their decisions on. And maybe I am wrong in thinking that public pressure had anything to do with the funeral for Diana.
      Like you said the press has not been kind to the Royals and to some degree the public has also been unkind.
      I have always found this a bit puzzling. and I am sure they have all suffered to some extent because of it.

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    4. It's puzzling to me too NovemberNanny, this love/hate relationship with the royals is hard to understand, from both the press and the public. I agree with your comment that to some extent they have all suffered and that has as much bearing and relativity as Harry's pain. Like in all families, members deal with issues differently and while I respect Harry and Meghan's right to pursue their happiness, there has to be respect to other members of the royal family to deal with their issues in their own way. There is a lot that has not been said and another side to be considered.

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    5. I think you are right NovemberNanny in thinking that public pressure had something to do with the funeral for Diana. Our need to know everything about the royal family feeds the press, it is a vicious cycle and one we the public help to perpetuate. If they don't do as we want, we turn on them, when they, do we praise and admire them. It's the same for Harry and Meghan, and there seems to be a split on public opinion for them, those who love them, and those who don't. Don't understand our constant need to analyze every movement and action and pit family members against family members, and then try to take sides as if it were a game, if there is any guilt to bear, we share it too. Why we just can't appreciate what each has to offer and allow them the space to do.

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    6. Thank you both Anon17:28 and 17:42 for saying so well what my thoughts have been!

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  16. Only God is perfect. Leadership role of various nations, people, corporations, churches/ faith places, families have their virtues and vice.
    The resistance actions of youth can be invigorating, spontaneous, has some truth, fresh visionary ideas which is revolutionary, also some unawareness, and at times dangerous ways.
    Harry and Meghan can share their story and make a difference in other people’s lives. To be honest with you – I am going to be selfish from here on when it comes to this couple. I conclude it will take me time to understand them, and just leave it at that. What I don’t thoroughly understand, I should not follow except continue to try understanding them. It takes time to “know and understand” people in your lives let alone people in the news.

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    1. Well said Anon 15, it is going to take me time as well. There are some parts of all of this that are hard to understand, and to feel is right, besides the energy and time spent trying to understand and be supportive is too much. Best left to wish them well.

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    2. Anonymous 24 May 2021 @ 03:47

      I agree with you.
      Form me personally, I realized understanding some one is a process, and also at times positive, in some cases a form of love. It is better to take the time and energy to understand than follow blindly and be confused with the up and down. The only expectation here, is also how much we know our own selves.
      This is a couple who had inspired me at one point or another, I don’t expect them to be perfect.

      The rate of speed they revealed the pain they had gone through and especially some family matters they shared, was a lot in a short period of time. Family matters are universally shared experience although each family’s dynamic varies. There is also value certain cultures uphold when it comes to family relations, grievances, privacy, and continued link.

      There is a lot of good in this couple, but they can also be challenging at times. That is why continuation in understanding them is more important to me than following them totally. At some point I will sort it out. I had found them interesting over all.
      They are fairly young (at least their marriage and family is very young) and navigating their own lives in different settings. For now, I hope not only Harry, but also Meghan has found peace. For me personally I value peace so much so that I had learnt there is a price to pay to have peace. In their case they seemed to have paid a price, but time will tell if they are starting a new type of cycle unintentionally while breaking a previous cycle of their parents. ( Eg. alienating their children from both sides of the family for the sake of peace).

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    3. Anon 13:16 I find the issue of Archie being alienated from family to be very disturbing -- I was basically reared with a crazy father, alcoholic mother, and a visit once a year to relatives I didn't know. I see family gatherings by the RF and feel upset on Archie's behalf. Unfortunately, the state of Meghan's father's children and many other grandchildren makes them an emotional liability to Archie. I think Harry wants his father to be interested in Archie, based on his one comment from the Oprah interview. Archie was shared with the Queen and PP. Archie won't be part of the regular group but perhaps later he can be friends with Eugenie's child, for example.

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    4. Allison - it is one of the most complex parts of family life. Children can be innocent, loving, and unassuming. The truth is most families have had some form of disagreement or another. Sometimes it goes as far as causing a permanent effect. Once it is difficult for the parents to get over the pain, the children gradually can fade away from the extended family life. Parenting is a sacrifice, but not always perfect. Parenting can also be selfish because what is planned for the child can be from the parents' experience, perspective, and views. It does not necessarily mean always the right choice for the child.

      Life has to go on, and people try to overcome whatever trauma, grief, bad experience, and struggle to overcome painful memories. What works for one person may not work for another person. Books, faith, love, friendship, therapy, a good career, wealth, peace. It is very important to know what works for us.

      A person may not have it all, and in order to have one thing, something may be lost. Life is a journey my dear. The good thing is the sun comes out, and it is a brand new day; with it, a new gift and possibility.

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  17. Wow what Harry been through was heartbreaking I'm heartbroken for him but at the same time I'm barely aware that when they walk with their mother coffin with there I'm aware they will go through these mental health issues I'm particular beleive it 50 percent Harry saying but apart of me saying he is experience normalcy in hid childhood just like us they ride bikes and doing grocery and what happend to the campaign heads together with William and Catherine heads together founder her sister in law and at Harry saying the campaign heads together is with William he did get help by then until meg come along and one more thing you been addicted to alcoholic drink and drugs you do it everyday that an addiction means letting your fsmilybdownnis very wrong I think. If he wants to talk media about their pain in life we knew about what happened to Diana and Charles way back then but I'm still wondering why he will brought about these things again and share his own budden to his family if he wants that he can talk about it's and tell his burden not just like these reconciliation it's not possible I think I love both. Harry and William then and before well I just ask my mom about these one privacy is not talking the press or media they just talk to their family members when they have problems the words and sharing one our two photos of child is very wrong you can share friend and family but not if you share media just one or two the fine their doing an interview every day. The podcast the oprah show silence to talk by the firm is very different in our own opinion for example taken my me I have a great family and both my mom and my dad raise me well my mom is working in the airports my dad ex miltary doctor my lil sister too he follow my father footsteps we have argument about their work politics and some family issue we are classing but then again when their boss came in talk differently but my dad these I me tell me speak option about the politics I think certain point he had to both his family now happy he found peace heart

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  18. Wow! Just wow! It has been the most amazing trip hasn't it? Oh My Dear Charlotte, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a safe, sane, sympathetic and at the same time truly objective reporter! I am a 3rd generation lover of history and news. My family has followed history and news related to the royal families of Europe and elsewhere partly for education and partly for shared entertainment. I remeber pouring over my Grandma's news clippings about the Queen and her sister Margaret from when she was a girl. They were much the same age and era. I remember watching the wedding of Charles and Diana on TV. I was in Jr. High and so enthralled with the glamor and pageantry. Later I loved Diana for her fashion then later still for her passion! I was so sad when she was killed. I eagerly followed Catherine and her journey to Duchess, the royal wedding of Will and Kate. I was heartbroken by how the press treated Catherine at the beginning of their married life. The more I studied the family history and the institution of royalty itself, I found I became more and more sickened and disillusioned by it. At it's heart (to me as an American) it's simply not right to label people as worthy of status or a sort of class worship by nature of birth or any other uncontrollable accident of nature. I stopped following them for a time. I picked up again when Meghan came on the scene because of everything she was and represented. But of course regardless of "friendly" overtures initially made by the public, press, and even the royals themselves the institution could never coexist with someone whose very existence negates their own. There seemed so much yo be gained by bringing her on board until her charm, intelligence, and gumption out classed the system itself. They had to setout, immediately to destroy her. Unfortunately their complete and total inability to adapt, to love anyone or anything truly besides themselves and their position in the world will likely be their own undoing. I say this with no real mallace toward any individuals who remain a part of the firm. In fact I have great respect for the Queen, her steadfast devotion and sacrifice to her country. Prince Charles and some of the wonderful projects he has put together while waiting his turn. He was one of the first to speak about things like the evils of GMOs etc. They serve, they try, but they missed the boat. I am thrilled that Harry and Meghan have gotten out and gotten it so right, together. I wish there were a less painful way for them all to do the same. The institution itself is based on the wrong ideas and therefore maybe needs to end? That doesn't mean these people cannot continue to serve their country or mankind just like Harry and Meghan are doing. This is just one woman's opinion. A very American one at that. I wish them ALL freedom, true love and healing. Thank you again Charlotte for providing us all with this wonderful platform to learn and grow safely and sanely.

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    1. Old Mom in Colorado,

      Thank you for your insightful post. I think this sentence sums up why the Royal Family and the Firm had to turn on Meghan: "There seemed so much to be gained by bringing her on board until her charm, intelligence, and gumption out classed the system itself."

      I think that, combined with the fact that Harry was the most popular of the royals (after the Queen), and Harry and Meghan's tremendous popularity and success on their tour to Australia and New Zealand, showed the RF and the Firm that they had to bring them down, in order to allow the positive light to shine on those in line to the thrown. It was after that brilliant tour that positive coverage turned negative on Meghan and then on Harry.

      What a sad system!

      R

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    2. It is not true that Harry and Meghan are more popular than the Queen - at least here in Aotearoa New Zealand. As elsewhere, Harry and Meghan appealed to a younger generation, but so do William and Kate. The Cambridges are definitely doing things differently including the way they bring up their children so change is happening anyway. Harry and Meghan could have been part of that. Would republican Presidents be a better option for Commonwealth countries? The British tried a different system under Cromwell and rejected it in favour of a return to a restricted form of monarchy. The dangers of getting popularity and power mixed up with constitutional status can be seen throughout history including in USA most recently. The President of the USA can unilaterally exert his will in a way that no current European monarch could even contemplate. They used to have those powers too, but over the years all constitutional monarchies have restricted royal powers. They like our present Queen are mainly ceremonial figureheads signing legislation enacted by their parliament, unveiling plaques and giving speeches written by their Ministers. That is why the Queen doesn't reveal her political leanings. It is no accident that constitutional monarchies are amongst the most liberal and democratic in the world today.

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  19. Again, a lesson that we never know what's going on in the inside. I remember many photos of Harry looking angry, with or without Meghan, and it makes sense now. I feel a little ashamed that I thought Meghan was so tough, that she could ignore the barbs thrown at her. It breaks my heart to think of such an intelligent, outgoing, fun-loving, caring person crying over things her in-laws refused to prevent or address.

    How hard would it be for Charles to call his other son, the one who's not important, and apologize? Tell him that he loves him and that he's sorry for their trip through the Firm. And that he insists on seeing Archie through zoom because he loves him just as much as he does his grandchildren who count? (A little anger here from me but how can a grandparent not care about ALL his grandchildren?) And then PR can come out showing Charles a little weepy explaining that families have misunderstandings but he dearly loves his other son and his family, etc. Why would this be a bad thing? If anything, it would show Charles in the good light.

    It's really just amazing that H&M have been through so much -- a love affair and then Harry needing intense therapy, the attempt to make it work and Meghan's mental health breakdown, a baby, a miscarriage, another baby on the way -- in just 4 years. I hope all of Meghan's friends are supporting her. I think now that her baby shower was intended to show her support by her friends, to boost her confidence in her self-worth -- images of her with Markus and other friends are just soul warming. Regarding Harry's therapy, people can go years without finding the right therapist. Maybe California therapists are more effective than London therapists! :)

    Royal watching has certainly changed for me, too. I am back to enjoying Kate's fashions and events, especially enjoying all the information and photos that Charlotte posts. If Meghan says "we" can like both women, I believe her. Of course I most adore Meghan because she is now able to be honest, and I'm still stuck on cute little child Harry. Having him happy is the best reward.

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  20. I had my breath taken away and I was speechless yesterday reading this touching post from Charlotte: I am realizing that we always talk about the situation of people believing that we have total control over what we are doing. they live and we judge ... and there sincerely I realize how the environment can be more than toxic in this royal family.
    I wish them all my heart to get over it all and leave all these bad memories (even if it is not easy) behind them. Archie was a blessing and a hope for this couple and now I think the little doll that will arrive soon will come to solidify and consolidate the strengths of this young couple and the rest will be just details and vanity to be left to the filthy and despicable people.

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  21. I'm sorry for harry that he is in therapy for 4 years and meghan was unable to get hers.
    I hope he gets what he is looking for in california and that he finds peace

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  22. Thank you Charlotte for this especially powerful post. The way Harry and Meghan share the story of their life with the public is wonderful and challenging at the same time.
    It is always like this for different reasons and different people if it gets emotional. I think it is very brave for Harry and Meghan and supporting their message to do it this way. As a therapist I live through this every day with many people. There are a lot of misconceptions of therapy/coaching and the people doing it on both ends;). So I welcome and cherish these documentaries- and it is especially important that theses healing paths are not only recommended but shared from personal experience.
    For some, people who do therapy or “become woke” trigger their own suffering or repression. Relationships, families and friendships often change during the course of working on yourself because we become less useable and more challenging for them.
    “Children choose connectivity over authenticity” is a typical sentence in therapy. So when we become truly ourselves and start growing this can turn over a lot of our relations and bonds with other people.
    It causes pain - of course in various directions . But it is a decision you have make. Keeping the suffering on the inside either of yourself or a family or an institution or letting it come out. Healing is about making things visible, so you can get hold of them, take responsibility for them and change them for the better for everyone.
    What many do not understand is that the pain is there unspoken or made public. Families are often offended by members stepping up to share their pain. In 99% it is for sure that these people tried to seek help within the family for decades.
    People doing so are blamed for nest pollution. But they rarely had a better choice. What could Harry have done better? What is happening around him and his wife does not make his family and the institution especially good looking . Well - it has failed, him, Meghan, Diana, Margret ....

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    1. So good to hear your perspective as a therapist. Thanks for sharing.

      -Victoria in Oregon

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  23. From my own experience I know that it is very difficult to leave an extended family system where there are a lot of people suffering silently. The reaction of "you cannot leave" is very common because if a person leaves it shows to all the others that they also could have left. This may be very hurtful especially for older family members who have felt somehow obliged to stay. It may lead to hostile or ignorant behavior or even breaking up personal connections. I'm very happy for Harry and Meghan who are building their new life, and at the same time I deeply feel with other members of the BRF who are perhaps deeply mourning the opportunities they have missed to lead a happy and authentic life.

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    1. I think people here should stop assuming other members of the RF are not living happy and authentic lives. You know nothing about them and what they feel.

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    2. I agree, Anonymous. While Harry has found peace by leaving the UK, IMO William has found peace by accepting his destiny. He seems to live an happy and meaningful life. Different ways, what works for the one wouldn't have worked for the other.

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  24. There’s a price tag to this warped set up between the British monarchy, the royal press and public fandom. The BRF wants good and flattering coverage designed to draw support for its existence. The party in power of the UK government—in this case the conservative Tory—wants the monarchy as a symbol tailored to support its objectives - nationalism and checking the power of the common- the people. Hence the conservative press dominance of UK media. It’s no coincidence the use of populism and nationalism work simultaneously to float the crown, wave the flag, build the brexit empire and have royalties being photographed wearing rolled up button shirt, cooking and packaging meals etc. to save the humble(d) mass. It’s the old tried and true politician working-the-crowd schtick.

    The problem with any monarchy is it’s all about blood and hereditary line up. It doesn’t matter if the heir is the best or worst person for the job. The Palace will find ways to stuff the square peg in that round hole. The PR factory is already transitioning the handing of the baton. Diana was paranoid you see. Paranoid people aren’t reliable (and aren’t good material for royal consort). BBC is bad for lying to Diana. BBC should be stripped of its license. There are calls from various angry conservative politicians ready to make the BBC and its leaders pay. The BBC Diana-Bashir scandal is of course a far worse crime that the real crime of the tabloids hacking private citizens’ phone as in the case of the missing and murdered dead teen. The majority of the people who ran these tabloids were absolved and go onto happy endings battling “woke” culture.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/12/world/europe/britain-phone-hacking.html

    BBC will be cowed to make room for the new Murdoch UK Fox TV channel. How perfect is the timing. Given the dominance of Murdoch’s influence in the UK, it’s smart of the BRF to side with billionaires like Murdoch and the conservative press. Look at the great effect Fox has in the US. Democracy slides into authoritarianism. A king awaits.

    This family will continue to be fodder. Why would any money hungry empire builder want to give up the golden goose? Such easy pickings. As the next generation grows to adulthood, young lives will be picked apart, stories made up, and the younger siblings will be sacrificed to the press and royal soap opera fans to protect the future monarch to be. Meanwhile, lesser members will make their living by being the living brand for fancy watches, cars, baby buggy, alcohol, clothes, charities, PR firms while wining and dining very wealthy people of dubious and dodgy backgrounds for “consultation fees” and “investment opportunities”. Rich and wanna be rich people love a good tiara and ball gown state dinner with the 40 dining utensils (they are dying to show off the expensive etiquette class) and servers in eye candy royal uniforms.

    My advice is for some of these lesser royals to go into psychiatry and journalism for careers because the family needs some serious in-house fixers here. Start their own psychotherapy, holistic meditative center in the many grade I listed manors/palaces dotted about the Kingdom. Start a royal (scandal) sheet and You Tube channel. Lots of materials here with the many royal houses across the globe. Take control and make money of the messaging here.

    So Carpe Diem and get on with it. PP and Churchill would be smiling from above.

    -Royal media watcher


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  25. Looking forward for the next news from them - the birth of their daughter in June or early July.
    Looking forward name guessing for the baby daughter, and what they will name her.
    Looking forward for Princess Diana's memorial statue gathering on July 1. In a way she is vindicated before her 60th birthday. It was very clear that she was put in a position of mistrust before the Panorama interview.

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  26. It is always easy to juste peuple and we do it a lot being Meghan and Harry or the rest of the royal family. Two tings stand out to me : Andrew was somehow protected while Meghan was teared into pieces and Harry insulted by the press and still as a lost child victim of Meghan. I just hope that they finally find a closure. I hope that after these last documentaires they will move on and focus on other topics for their own good. I can understand that those who went or are going through those pains should find comfort and hope. And think after that they can just let it go. They are doing far better than what anybody expected. Nobody thought they will be financially indépendant, have a jon, remain influencers, pay back for F cottage all that in less than a year. I encourage them to go ahead with their life just like the rest of the institution and RF do. They carry on.

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    1. I'm so happy that Harry very eloquently explained his situation. But I, too, think that after these documentaries, their public image requires that both Harry and Meghan move on to other projects. Any ongoing discussions of mental health should leave out reference to the Royal Family.

      R

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    2. Perfectly stated Anon 21:15!

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    3. I'm looking forward to Harry returning to the areas he was so successful in prior to leaving UK. That included his activities in Africa with Aids children, landmine clearance and endangered wildlife. He has always related particularly well to children, especially handicapped or terminally ill ones. I should imagine once their new child is born Meghan will continue with her particular interests like gender equality. Some things will have to wait like starting up the Invictus Games once the Covid19 crisis is over. Harry also has paid employment now so will have to juggle his activities to ensure they have an income. They should ignore all the nasty comments and just get on with proving them wrong.

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  27. Since M&H's Oprah interview, I've decided to "royal watch" in different ways. I love looking at the fashion - ok still follow whatkatewore - but I, like many others have posted, have no more patience for some "news" outlets' coverage of the BRF. And the comments section in the Daily Mail is particularly terrible.
    The BRF life is much more difficult than I'd thought until Harry spoke out, and I'm so glad he is. I'm so happy for him and Meghan's new situation, and also hopeful of some familial reconciliation with Harry & his family, even if it's private. Kudos on another amazing post, Charlotte! -op

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  28. Right now the focus is on Harry, but I wonder what is happening with Meghan's mental health. She has had severe trauma inflicted on her. I imagine it's changed her forever probably in ways that yet can't be fathomed. I pray she too has all the support and help she needs, and continues to find joy in her family and fulfillment in her work. God bless her!

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    1. I think of Meghan, too, and hope that she is getting the therapy she needs to heal from the horrific experience she's been through, and continues to endure. I'm happy she has rest and privacy in this pregnancy, and hope that she will ultimately be able to enjoy the domestic bliss of her dreams, as well as satisfaction in her altruistic work. She deserves complete peace and happiness.

      R

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  29. I can relate a little, I cut myself out of the family 20 years ago. For me it was the healthy thing to do. It wasn’t without drama & stalking behavior (showing up at my work when luckily I was teaching a class at a different location) Enough about me, only just to say .. he should not feel guilty, he is doing what he believes is the right thing for himself his wife & children.

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    1. I totally agree. Harry (and no one) should not feel guilty for doing what is best for his wife and children. Some critics cannot see that because they cannot relate. I too had to cut ties with my family years ago... but it was the best decision for my own mental health.

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  30. “The Me You Can’t See” is such a bullseye description of mental health. The world is witnessing this with Naomi Osaka.

    It’s no surprise that Piers Morgan stepped into it deep by describing Ms. Osaka as “narcissistic” and comparing Ms. Osaka to Morgan’s favorite target, Meghan. It’s no surprise that conservative broadsheet, The Telegraph, has its lead sports columnist - Oliver Brown- calling Ms. Osaka “ world sport’s most petulant little madam”.

    It’s not a big surprised that these (sports) columnists are white and often men. They have no clue to what WOC must endured to break through in a sport ruled by white men. The significant mental health toll. They are free to belittle the hard earned work of these athletes by throwing the “rule books” at them. And even when Ms. Osaka was willing to play by the rules, paying the fine, the white establishment ratchets up the score by threatening her with a ban from playing in future tournaments. Did they make the same threat to other players who spit at umpires, yell and curse, even behave violently on the court? Of course not, the bad boys- the boys will be boys excuse- get to come back and play over and over and over and repeating bad behaviors over and over. The drama of such antics made $$ for the tennis world and the press.

    If Ms. Osaka bowed out of a tournament because of a back or ankle injury, there would be no controversy. Mental health…..nah….that’s narcissism.

    Piers Morgan and the Telegraph’s Oliver Brown are the real problem here. So is powerful establishment like big sports franchises. The more money they make by abusing and trolling people as part of their job is why they are the problem. The fact that that the press employed such people is proof of what people, famous or not, must endured. Let’s face it, Ms. Osaka’s mental health just become more fodder for these awful people. Sports establishments have a long history of abuses. We’ve seen this from forcing players to play until their bodies and mind break. It’s not just physical abuse, but sexual abuse that took forever for the industry to even acknowledge. Now, it’s mental abuse and neglect.

    This is why support for people battling mental health is meaningless without real actions (as in treating mental health with the same understanding as you would treat a physical illness), real support and real changes. What’s happening to Ms. Osaka reveals why abuse— be it physical, sexual or mental- continues.

    -royal media watcher

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Welcome to Mad About Meghan! We do so look forward to reading your thoughts. Constructive, fair debate is always encouraged. Hateful, derogatory terms and insults are not welcome here. This space focuses on Harry and Meghan, not any other member of the Royal family. It's not the place to discuss politics either. Thank you for reading, we look forward to your comments :)