Monday, 21 October 2019

Harry And Meghan Documentary: "I Never Thought It Would Be Easy, But I Thought It Would Be Fair"

Last night, ITV aired Harry and Meghan: An African Journey. Long time friend of the princes Tom Bradby, accompanied the Sussexes on their ten day tour of Southern Africa. During candid moments and heartfelt conversations, they laid bare the extent of their struggle. It is available to watch in its entirety below. I highly recommend viewing the whole hour to gain the full picture.


There are several quite devastating quotes from the couple throughout as you'll see. In particular, when Tom Bradby asks Meghan to explain the toll the last couple of years has taken on her. She told him she often discusses with H (as she calls him) that it's "not enough to just survive" this. They need to "thrive" and be happy. 


She also told Bradby, British friends warned her not to marry Harry because the tabloids would destroy her life. She made a very salient point during the conversation, which we've chatted about here numerous times. "I never thought it would be easy, but I thought it would be fair". She added she's more than happy to put her hand up and apologise for a mistake, but what do you do when the media are being told stories are categorically untrue and they publish them anyway? How do you fight a narrative with no interest in facts? Meghan added she has tried to adopt a British stiff upper lip, but what it does to you can be internally damaging.


More from The Telegraph:

“When people are saying things that are just untrue - they've been told they're untrue but they're still allowed to say them...I don’t know anyone in the world that would feel like that's okay. 
“And that's different than just scrutiny. That's...what would you call that? It’s a different beast, its a really different beast. 
“I think the grass is always greener. You have no idea. It's really hard to understand what it's like.  I know what it seems like it should be ... It's a very different thing.”

Harry touched on his relationship with William. "Part of this role and part of this job, this family, being under the pressure that it's under, inevitably stuff happens. But look, we're brothers, we'll always be brothers. We're certainly on different paths at the moment but I'll always be there for him and as I know he'll always be there for me.  We don’t see each other as much as we used to because we're so busy, but I love him dearly. The majority of this stuff in the press is created out of nothing, but as brothers, you know, you have good days, you have bad days."


An element of the documentary which will not be given much traction and stood out to me is how seriously they take their roles and their genuine desire to do good. In the clip below, Harry discusses possibilities across 19 Commonwealth countries in Africa. He also expressed to Tom how important it is to make these tours as valuable as possible, for the UK and Africa.


The Duchess also shared the story behind her inspiring speech in Nyanga. The Telegraph writes:

'Speaking of the significance of her family coming to the very area scarred by apartheid, and her choice to describe herself as a “woman of colour” during her first speech of the trip, the Duchess said she hoped her marriage to the Duke would not be seen through the prism of race. 
“I would hope that the world will get to the point where you just see us as a couple who are in love,” she said. 
“I don’t wake up everyday and see us as anything other than being who I've always been. I’m Meghan and I married this incredible man. This to me is just part of our love story.” 
Of her speech, in which she told women in a township she was there as “their sister”, she said: “For me, when I chose to add those words into the speech, it was really the last minute. 
“I said to Harry, 'what do you think if I add this in?' I don't know, it just feels right. And he very kindly and supportively said if that’s what feels right then that’s what you should say. 
“Because it’s true: like, before I was part of this [Royal] family that’s how I identified. With people and connection. As a mother now, as a wife now, but just as a woman - as a woman of colour - which has been brought to the forefront in a more prominent way.” 

Toward the end, Tom Bradby asked Meghan what the future holds. She took a moment before replying they are taking it "one day at a time". The couple will take family time away next month, when they are expected to travel to the US. I don't know what the future holds for Harry and Meghan. Seeing both of them so vulnerable, raw and hurt was heartbreaking. I would advise anyone to take a moment to pause and listen before leaping in to criticise them. I've said from day one Meghan never received a fair shot at this. Whilst the Sussexes are away, this is an opportunity for them to evaluate the best path for their family moving forward. It's also a chance for the royal family and the royal household to come together on their behalf - something I believe is essential now. "Never complain, never explain" will not suffice here. This is a baseless campaign of abuse and bullying. The human cost on Harry and Meghan must be addressed, because, should things continue as they are, we are going to lose two people who could play an invaluable, lifelong role in strengthening and modernising the monarchy. And that would be a crying shame.

210 comments:

  1. On a Hungarian tabloid site I just read, they plan to have a six-week break from royal duties, is anything mentioned about this in the documentary or it is completely made up?

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    1. It seems to be true, and is mentioned above 'The couple will take family time away next month, when they are expected to travel to the US.'

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    2. Thank you. We have hard a trip or a possible tour to the US for quite some time, maybe it will be that, in an unofficial capacity.

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    3. I think the story is true, and while I understand they may need a break from the tabloid bullying, do they really need a break from "work"? Compared to what the average working person does on a daily basis, the amount of time they spend working is a joke. They already have more "time off" than 99% of the people in the world.

      This is my day (and mind you, I have two kids still in school and a husband who is at work most evenings and weekends, when I am off): Up at 5:30 am. Make sure the kids are up. Supervise them getting ready for school while I am trying to get myself ready for work. Leave home at 7 am. Commute into the city by commuter rail, followed by a two mile walk to work. Arrive at work at 9 am. Work from 9 am to 5 pm. Reverse commute to home, arrive at home approximately 6:45 pm. Make and clean up dinner for the kids, a typical evening might involve some laundry and light housekeeping, take shower, get my things ready for the next day. Relax for one hour from 9 pm to 10 pm, go to bed. Repeat four more times until the week is over. I get four weeks vacation per year, plus the week between Christmas and New Year's. That's 25 days per year. If I take a trip during some of that time off, stuff at home doesn't get done. If I stay at home during my vacation and get stuff done at home, I don't get to take a trip away. Weekends consist of more laundry, cleaning, shopping, errands, chauffeuring kids around, various home projects. What they don't consist of is relaxing or seeing friends and family, or barely even my husband - no time for that.

      Harry and Meghan need to appreciate what they have and the lives they live. We all have hardships to endure. While I do agree the tabloid bullying has gone too far, famous people have been dealing with that for years. It does need to end. But do I feel sorry for them? Not at all.

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    4. I understand that compared to most regular jobs, royals have a lighter workload, though it does depend on the person and a monarch such as Queen Elizabeth spend many, many hours working (no weekends of for her, she goes through legal and government papers every single day except Easter Sunday, which she regards as a holiday). But I think it's a bit unfair to put this on Meghan & Harry when they are actually some of the most hard working royals and Meghan had brought her American work ethic. As has become obvious with the cook book, Vogue issue and clothing line to only name some examples, Meghan spends a lot of time working in private. And what of the fact that Meghan has been critized for working too hard, being demanding and bombarding royal staff with her ideas for projects and initiatives?! Meghan and Harry have gotten zero acknowledgement of their hard work but only criticism and hatred for their perceived personalities, so yes, I understand why they would take some time of. Why not? Their work isn't valued and their mental health clearly is suffering. Basically what's happening right now is this: H&M appear at work smiling, the media then publishes pictures of their work appearances with hateful stories and snarky titles. Then thousands of people proceed to bully them below those pictures. If that's what happened for me at work, I would take a break as well and to be honest, probably find myself another job. Yes, I know not everyone has the luxury but if at all possible, I would advise anyone to leave a place of work where they are consistently and cruelly bullied. That's what most therapists would advise you to do as well.

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    5. Becca H in Colorado21 October 2019 at 16:18

      So just because they're wealthy, they should put up with an endless wave of abuse and hatred? Pam, this has nothing to do with wealth or privilege. Both Harry and Meghan have stated in this documentary that they know they live privileged lives -- that doesn't mean that the absolute mob-mentality of hatred against them in both the press and from internet trolls is acceptable. Just because they live privileged lives doesn't mean they're immune to being hurt or that they should put up with being bullied.

      And, to be honest, it's comments like these that have contributed to bringing them down. How is that ok?

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    6. I only said I don't see why they need another break from work. My comments had nothing to do with the bullying and hatred they are dealing with.

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    7. Pam

      They have never mentioned they needed time from work, it is the tabloid reporting. When do people start reading between the lines? The more sensational the better.

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    8. As Charlotte and many others have said, let this be a place of encouragement NOT criticism. You obviously do not understand what they have gone through and what their daily schedule consists of. They are hard working people who appreciate what they have but have been slandered maliciously and constantly since the day of their marriage completely attacking their character and therefore impacting every interaction (work & social) they have.

      As someone who has had this experience in the public setting, I can tell you it was horrible on every level. As I held my tongue so as not to be guilty of the same sin as those lying, trashing and trying to ruin me, it got to the point where I felt like I was imploding. My child had to witness me totally stressed and crying often to the point of having panic attacks curled up on the couch. The public lies and humiliation were nothing as great as what Meghan is going through but I can tell you it was great and debilitating. To have to continue to go in in circles where hateful people are all around me. In my instance, we had to move, losing all equity in our house and change jobs. To say this situation is not as hard as your life is not being aware of them at all. Let this be the one place where commentators are encouraging. She gets criticism literally everywhere to the point that they are bring destroyed. We love you Meghan and pray that you will be brought to a place of peace & kindness as I was for healing and respite.

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    9. Becca is absolutely spot on. It is exactly comments like these that underlie the cruelty.

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    10. Becca H in Colorado21 October 2019 at 18:01

      But you did say they need to "appreciate the lives they have" because "everyone has hardships" and that you don't feel sorry for them, "not at all." That attitude is the same that so much of the hateful commentary has, and it suggests that since they're privileged, they should just deal with it. If you had the intense and unfair scrutiny and belittling that Meghan has received in the life you described, Pam, I don't think you would want to hear that nobody is sorry for you and that oh sorry, everyone has hardships.

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    11. A little support for you, Pam. I once saw a comment here that it must be hard for Meghan to stand all day in high heels while pregnant. Another person, while supportive of Meghan, said that the reality is Meghan "works" a few hours a day, smiling and shaking hands, before going back to her privileged life. You are correct that most of the world works more than the royals do, and I do understand from your post that your comments are realistic and not hateful. I agree that the media has been brutal to Meghan and Harry,and that needs to end. I think we all need to understand that the only way for them to get a break from the media is to stay out of the limelight; hence, no engagements (aka "work")

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    12. Pam from Boston so they should remain under the spotlight and take more abuse. Just because are richer than average people ? I hope as charlotte mention that the royal family will come out pubicly. If not i hope they can stop everything. Leave Britain for a year or more. Build their couole and
      Family and do their work through other people. I can imagine how harry fears a repart of his mother death. If both are in this place today i feel that even behind close door the royal family doesn't show any support. Before the wedding they couldn't afford to be branded "racist" of they had openly suggested that HM took another year or more. Now i feel they are just saying " welcome on board, de warned you but you were stubborn, now take it". This Said at this moment where Britain is kn another brexit chaos no communication will actually make sense. I hope that by the time they will start shoping support it wont ne too late.

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    13. We need to be able to state the facts, H and M, more especially Meghan, get a disgustingly hard time from the tabloids, and from many other social commentators.
      Harry and Meghan have a lovely life, they do not experience the extreme grind as described by Pam.
      In no way does the quality of their lives justify their horrendous treatment.
      BUT they do lead privileged lives. There is no point in denying it.

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    14. I wrote a new comment clarifying my comments, further below in response to another comment by Becca H, but it hasn't shown up yet for some reason. But basically I said that my comments are sometimes written in a rush because I'm at work and don’t have a lot of time to fully expand on what I’m writing, so the words I wrote in my comment didn't accurately convey what I was trying to say. I wasn't trying to say that because of their wealth and privilege that they should just put it up it – that the money should make up for the hurtful treatment. I do agree they should fight the bullying and hatred, it's clearly wrong what the tabloids have been getting away with in both the UK and the US for years. I do understand H&M are suffering and I feel bad for that and empathize with them. But there's a difference between feeling empathy and feeling sorry for someone, at least in the way I interpret the words. The reason I don't feel sorry for them is that they have great lives - for many reasons, wealth being only one of them - they have a great love for each other and their son, the opportunity to make a difference with their lives and do such good in the world Another reason I don't feel sorry for them is that they have so many options that most people don't have – so many options for changing their lives. Because of the wealth and privilege. Not because they're rich and I think money can solve everything. But because their wealth and position will allow them to change their situation. They can do whatever they want. The future is theirs to mold. And so many people because of their lack of opportunities, finances, support, are stuck in unfortunate situations and are not able to make changes for themselves.

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    15. Isabella, I have been in situations as you describe. Been through some tough times like that. And I didn’t mean to compare my busy schedule to what Meghan and Harry are going through, in regard to the bullying and hatred slung at them. Not by any means. I don’t have a hard life - I’m comfortable financially and I have a great husband who is dedicated to me and our family, great kids – four loving, healthy, happy daughters. I think I have a good life and I'm very happy. I was only trying to describe what real “work” is for the average person, working mom, etc. in comparison to what work means to the Royal Family. And I should have clarified that, because I didn’t mean it in regard to only Harry and Meghan’s schedule, but all of them.

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    16. Klara from Croatia21 October 2019 at 21:45

      Oh Pam....what a life :( I'm so sorry you don't spend more time with your children, that's the worst thing :( Weeks will past...years will past.... I hope maybe some some day something changes and you (and so many other women) dont have to work so hard, I mean be away from your family for so much time in a day....it's such a shame... I'm blessed to have a less working hours-job... Stay strong and big hug from Croatia!

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    17. Also I think its clear from things like the Hub community kitchen that they are putting in many hours behind the scenes we don't see. We want to discuss their clothes, they need time to choose them. We want to see them perfect. They nee time to style. All of that counts too. It's not easy. I Grant they can afford help and care but they also want to do for themselves. I hope they don't leave. It would be sad.

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    18. I think the central issue has been lost here. It's about human beings, any human beings being tormented to the point of emotional & physical exhaustion & potential mental illness. That's no sort of life. Period. Imagine being bullied, now imagine being bullied globally, non-stop & about things that are sometimes made up & to which you have no ability to fight back or make correct, because no one cares about the truth & nor appears to care about you & not even think of or see you as a human being. No amount of money or privilege can off set that. It would be a sad thing if the BRF loses them.... but if they have to go the way of other Royals who have stepped aside.... if that's the only option they have to be well.... then I hope they put their well being as a family & as individuals first. In the end..... they're not animals in a cage at a zoo, there for us to look at. They are human beings & this is not the kind of sacrifice that anyone should have to make. I would even think they would give up their Royal Titles & Royal compensation to be free of this torment, if it were to continue at this great cost. Between the 2 of them, they could provide for themselves & their family. I have to admit that until I watched the program..... I too had not comprehended what was going on had been taking that level of toll on them. They do put on those happy faces & brave it out. But now that I know they are not braving it as well as I thought.... I admire them giving it real thought & deciding as a couple what will be best for their mental & physical health for the rest of their lives. I'm just embarrassed that I too never thought of how bad it was for them.

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    19. Kiara from Croatia - thanks so much for the kind words! Yes, the toughest part is being away from the kids so much but I do it for them. My employer has great benefits - our health care is very affordable, retirement savings contributions in addition to my regular salary earnings, and countless other benefits. We need this because my husband's employer does not offer nearly as much. Also with one daughter just graduated from college, one more going next year and one more going in five years, well, that's a lot of tuition to pay and we're trying to help them out as much as possible. Anyway, I'm thinking as soon as the youngest is out of college, I can slow down! And my husband will be retiring around then so we'll have lots of time together (who knows, by then I'll be so used to not having him around so much, he will probably drive me crazy! Nothing's ever perfect, is it? lol!)

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    20. Pam, Thanks for the clarification. I understand now what you mean. One difference though is that I think they do a lot more behind the scenes work than most are aware of. I dont doubt that Meghan works more than a 40 hour week (at least before baby arrived). Remember the criticisms of her that she was emailing her staff at 5am.

      Yes "being sorry" for someone can be interpreted having empathy or feeling pity for them. Your explanation is very clear and shows you have compassion. I get what you are saying. And I too hope they carve out a path that will be more protective and better for their well-being. I hope they get refreshed from a long Christmas break. After an abusive situation, it is necessary to have a season of calm to heal. Hoping they get that! And hope their little one sleeps through the night soon😊

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  2. It is time for the Royal Family to reassess the "stiff Upper lip" attitude. The "never complain, never explain" behavior has stood them well and it should continue to do so. However, I think we all see the difference between silly rumors and a brutal, merciless campaign of unrelenting bullying engaged in for profit. I commend them both for stepping up to the plate in taking these thugs to court. Not to do so would encourage even more blatant, should I say criminal, behavior. Harry and Meghan are incredibly effective social workers and deserve mountains of respect and support for all they have done and will continue to contribute. They are jewels in the Crown as are Prince William and Duchess Kate. It is up to them to find a path forward and I wish them all the best love and support.

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    1. Totally agree. The "stiff upper lip" strategy contradicts what the Cambridges and Sussexes are saying about the importance of talking openly about mental health struggles. I'm amazed at how many people applaud them for mental health campaign but tear them down for doing exactly what the campaign encourages. They are human beings just like everyone else.

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    2. I have been thinking a lot about this and I don’t think the never complain never explain philosophy is as universal or consistent as people seem to think it is. The Royals have always “explained”. They do put out press releases or denials on various issues. Charles and Diana spent much of the 80s and 90s complaining and explaining themselves to authors and interviewers.

      The Queen was roundly criticized for her stiff upper lip attitude regarding Diana’s death. Over 20 years ago people were not impressed with that response.

      It seems to suddenly be an enforceable rule or issue for Harry and Meghan which I’m finding increasingly contradictory. I believe never complain never explain is a myth that is now being used to criticize Harry and Meghan despite all evidence that this has never truly being an edict the royal family has followed in any meaningful way. So why should Harry and Meghan suddenly be held to it. Meghan has been the victim of vile and racist media bullying. She has every right to defend herself and express her feelings and her husband has every right to protect her and express his displeasure.

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    3. Anett, I wasn't reading between the lines. I read the full article and it said they were taking time off "from royal duties." Didn't say they were taking time off from the tabloid attention.

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    4. Pam

      I look forward to your complaint of all members of the family who do not work towards the end of the year! Thanks!

      "Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, will take a break from royal duties towards the end of the year, dividing their time between the US and the UK, a royal source has told CNN."

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    5. Yeah, I probably would if I had time to go back and review each individual family member's schedule for the whole year, but, you know, I'll be really busy cleaning my own toilets, scrubbing my own pots and pans, shoveling my own driveway, oh, and working at a real job.

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    6. Pam

      It is a topic up for discussion on blogs till nose bleeds, work is a funny way if we put into context with royals. Probably that's why we discussed it many times, and how important their end of the year numbers can be because that shows and tells about them a lot.

      But this post is the least about work, their work ethic, and our own personal life.
      I always applaud for people tho, (Lauri here for example) who are brave enough to share their own struggle though, especially when the topic is matching.

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  3. Excited to watch this doc. I hope it not only allows us insight to M&H but also let's us see more of their incredible tour. Kudos to Meghan for her honesty & candor! -op

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  4. I'm quite conflicted here.

    On one hand, seeing Harry and (especially) Meghan humanise their struggles made me genuinely feel bad for both of them, even leading me to readily accept their way of doing things within the BRF, as I don't support them constantly breaking protocol for no reason.

    On the other hand, it got me to think about the way the modern BRF has handled themselves these past decades. Why have they not been treated as unfairly as H&M have?

    I believe it's because they've understood and managed the game. They've maintained their distance while creating the illusion of a public connection.

    H&M continually portray themselves as extremely approachable, down-to-earth, regular everybodies. When you take the sheen away from your position, the same position that facilitates and makes your work possible, you open yourself up to this. It's not fair, but it's how it is.

    Everyone else in the BRF has understood this. And maybe H&M have understood it as well but feel that being this way isn't authentic to who they are. And now they're in this predicament.

    Don't have a more definitive thought, tbh. But I agree with Meghan 100% - the media need to start being fair.

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    1. Becca H in Colorado21 October 2019 at 16:04

      They have not actually broken protocol...those articles were written to fuel more hatred against H&M.

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    2. What protocol have they broken? I always ask when this is brought up in any forum and I have yet to receive a valid answer.

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    3. It is not easy viewing. They both seem so fragile and vulnerable. It’s a viscous circle of celebrity, public duty, endless curiosity . Neither Meghan or Harry have a decent family support network. Doria seems a great mum But she is so far away and Just one person. Charles seems very distant. I think they should focus on working quietly with their charities and looking after each other and Archie. I hope William will reach out to Harry and try and rebuild their relationship. Sinead

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    4. Missing here is the elephant in the room, it’s the bigotry, of course.

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    5. I see some other differences - snobbery, racism and xenophobia. Meghan is genuinely middle class, not rich private school millionaire middle class. She’s a woman of color. And she’s American. This isn’t about her doing anything wrong, it’s about her not being a plummy white English rose.

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    6. I extremely disagree that they’ve brought this treatment upon themselves by being “approachable and down to earth.” That approachability has brought them legions of fans and that diverse, universal interest does drive clicks and make it even more profitable to bully them, but don’t conflate the two.

      It seems clear to me that being different in their approach has made them targets for palace insiders who leak information selectively, and for the press. And when you add in that her personal characteristics are also different? It makes a lot of people even more uncomfortable.

      They have in no way brought this upon themselves.

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    7. Meghan has been cruelly treated by the media in the UK purely because she is mixed race. No other reason. Some Sussex fan accounts on Twitter have produced lengthy detailed threads and videos showing this abuse and the double standards used by the media. It is quite straightforward, but certain demographics would rather blame the victims of racism than confront the hateful reality of it.

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    8. I'm reading Michelle Obama's memoir at the moment and there are glaring similarities...

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    9. Please send me a list of "royal protocol" they have broken. There is no such thing and I firmly believe it's been invented by keyboard warriors and the media to push their abusive narrative. So sad.

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  5. My heart broke for Meghan and Harry watching the documentary. We can’t imagine what it is like to be under such scrutiny and criticism. I would have run a mile. They are trying to use their position to make a real difference in the world by highlighting the causes close to their heart and also, to forge a very much more hands on role than has has been traditional in the RF. Times have changed and the RF as an institution maybe needs to change too. As well as the great work that William & Kate do, there must be room for Harry & Meghan to follow a different path, perhaps by living in other parts of the Commonwealth if they want to. Whatever the future holds for them, I hope they find more peace and happiness away from the disgraceful bullying they have suffered thus far. Annie, UK

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  6. i hope and i pray that they will walk on the same side and settle their diffrence and talk to the family or how will they will do about the negative media although the duchess has mixed race they are a family i though a royal or celebrites and ordinary people every thing will be resolve if they sit down and talk what the problem that what family do im proud on there causes and they are very effective global ambassador or envoy to brtish people as well as duchess and duke cambridge

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  7. I had a long post written out on paper, but I think I'll just shorten it here. I was always sorry that H and M did not have the time to get to know each other as W and K did. I wondered why they didn't live together for a longer time, quietly, like W and K. The queen accepted W and K's living arrangement. Then I had a thought. Being perfectly frank now, Meghan was already 36, older than Harry, and we all know how much Harry wanted a family. They just didn't have that time to waste, and while the queen could accept living together, I seriously doubt that a baby out of wedlock would have gone over well. So Archie arrived just before their first anniversary. Meghan, known for her strong work ethic, jumped right in to royal duties. I don't know who advises them or if they even listen, but I would have suggested that Meghan have few and "soft" engagements around the UK during her pregnancy. This would have been to let Meghan get to know her new country and let the people get to know her. I would have suggested a continuation of light engagements after a lengthy maternity leave. I pictured Harry continuing his role in the RF doing engagements, then going back to his loving wife and son. In time, Meghan would take on more duties. Would the media criticize this? Of course! But family is important. Has anyone noticed that Harry seems more tense and unhappy than the happy-go-lucky prince he used to be? He so desperately needs a stable family life. I hope they decide to start over and choose family life ahead of duty. Harry is not the heir and should not be held to the same sense of duty as William. H and M need to spend time together as husband and wife and parents. When they are ready, they can take on more duties. The media will always be there, but a strong couple can face it, together.

    Thank you Charlotte for reading and for your always excellent blogs.

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    1. It has nothing to do with taking time. The press made-up lies whenever they were not in the public eye. It is not about scrutiny but about the relentless attack by made-up lies. Meghan have time to prepare herself because her first year achievements have been astounding. If Meghan was a daughter of a white English Lord, we would not be having this conversation.

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    2. Becca H in Colorado21 October 2019 at 16:06

      Their "predicament," as you call it, really has nothing to do with their work load. They have admirably worked hard, as they should. Meghan has been a credit to the Royal Family, rather than just sitting back on her laurels, which, frankly, would've incited even more of a media storm against her. The problem is, plain and simple, that the press and internet trolls have completely smeared her from the beginning.

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    3. Caroline in Montana21 October 2019 at 16:17

      Abby, I agree and had said as much before when they started out together. they had no time to waste if they wanted children and I hope that it works out. her drive to jump right in was a bit much for me, especially as she was short on protocol knowledge etc. etc. I feel like it was similar with Diana, it was dump her in the deep end, hope she can swim. I like that Kate got to settle in and had years to decide if she could manage the BRF for life. I hope they don't act in haste and realize the long game. Tired of folks making it about race, Kate was not the daughter of an English lord and we still have conversations on how unfair the press are.

      But as my mother always told me, god rest her soul, Life Isnt Fair.

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    4. Agree 1000% anon 15:28. This after the fact analyzing of how Harry and Meghan should have handled their private relationship is bizarre and rooted in fantasy. None of us know the private and intimate details of how Harry and Meghan’s relationship evolved and I find it quite rude and nosey to speculate on. Your response is correct even if they had followed the original commenter’s preferred roll out, Meghan still would have been roundly criticized and bullied. It doesn’t matter what they do or don’t do they’re suffering an unfair amount of media targeting and harassment. And it is almost completely motivated by racism, sexism, and xenophobia. I am becoming increasingly tired of comments refusing to acknowledge this.

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    5. Anonymous 15:28 is absolutely correct.

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    6. Caroline, it's 2019 and racism is (still) alive and well despite peoples ignorance and refusal to accept this fact. I'm white and born-and-bred in London UK, one of the most diverse cities in the world, and I promise you it's a factor not for me but for visible minorities especially. The press did unfairly critcize Kate for being waity and lazy, but the coverage of Meghan (even pre-engagement) has been tinged with critical remarks about her race, nationality (things she can't control) and prior occupation.

      Veronica

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    7. Tammy from California24 October 2019 at 05:19

      Abby, I think your post is very well said and it sums up my sentiments exactly. I think they should regroup. If, as some have suggested, the media will attack Meghan because she isn't "a plum English Rose", then it is an even better idea as you suggested. I do see Harry's agitation at every engagement lately and I feel that coming together, being strong with your spouse and making your family strong is the only way to get through it. Martin Luther King fought through difficult times for black rights, literally fearing for his life. If you take on the job, you've got to have a strategy to handle it and a support system is a big part of that. I really like what you wrote and agree 100%.

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  8. I said in your previous post. For me, my take away from the documentary, they need to as people, find a path that make them happy, and give them a peaceful contentment ! No one, but no one, should have to do anything that makes them this dreadfully unhappy ! Harry is far away from the throne, to strike out on his own ! I hope, that they take the six weeks break, and look at what it is they want. The press will never be your all weather friend, as we know, Harry had to release a statement prior to their engagement, scolding them on their coverage of the then Meghan Markle ! I do believe away from the confines of royal life, and with their new foundation, Harry and Meghan can forge a happier path, and keep making the changes, and continue being a force of change and positivity in this world ! Like Diana, they are in no need of titles to be successful, they themselves and their story are the success ! Bel x

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  9. I am so upset over this. It's funny -- everywhere people are encouraged to speak out if they have a mental health issue, but these two do and are told to buck up like the RF always has. First, Meghan is not accepted by many as qualifying to be part of the RF and time won't change that. What really scares me is her saying that they are not living. This should be an amazing time for them. I took Harry's statement about William as a positive comment, but it reinforced that William is busy. He has three kids, he has his wife's family, he has his future position. Can you imagine the conflict going on with Harry -- the tug by his family on one side and by his real, new family on the other? The idea of divorce would probably push him over an edge we don't want to go to.

    I'm afraid that I will not be able to enjoy anything royal until they are happier. This was caused by Camilla not being suitable for Charles to marry, by Charles seeking a very young and isolated woman with whom he had nothing in common. I just find it appalling that Harry and Meghan have come to this.

    As usual, though, Charlotte said it best.

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    1. Becca H in Colorado21 October 2019 at 16:09

      I don't think Meghan and Harry are actually considering divorce. I honestly think they're considering leaving the Royal Family, which is what scares me the most. They are doing such good work. To hear Meghan basically admit she was buckling under the pressure was devastating. They shouldn't have to be driven away from their roles because of such hatred.

      I, too, have really lost faith in the Royal family...I don't think I can enjoy them until something is fixed.

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    2. Lauri you brought tears to my eyes with your story I am so sorry you had to go through that and I hope that things are better now once again thanks for sharing

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  10. I have a story to tell...when I was a young woman my then-husband, myself and our infant son lived with his parents. One evening my husband wanted the money that I had earned that day, money for our sons diapers and food, when I refused to hand it over he beat me almost senseless. His parents were sitting in the next room not more than 10 feet away and made not a move to stop this violence. When I later emerged from my room, bloodied and battered, their first words were "if you had just given him the money, he wouldn't have had to beat you". Hearing what Meghan and Harry have be put through stirred up the memories of this incident and seeing others suggest that Meghan kill the press with kindness or turn the other cheek reminds me of his parents response. When will we as a society quit blaming the victims of bullying, blackmail or domestic violence? When will we as a society quit putting the onus of reconciliation on the victim instead of where it belongs, on the perpetrator? When will we as women quit shouldering the blame for mens bad behavior? When we tell Meghan that she should "kill them with kindness" we are telling her that she should have handed over the money. We are telling her to sacrifice a part of herself so that others can feel better about their horrible behavior. Is this what we want for her? For our sisters, our daughters, ourselves?

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    1. Lauri, your words truly touched me. I am so, so sorry you went through this. I can't imagine the courage it took to get out of such a terrifying situation.

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    2. I shared a quote from you on Twitter Lauri and several people have already got in touch to say how moved they are.

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    3. Lauri,
      Thank you for sharing your own story and perspective. I appreciate the strength and courage it takes to do that. Thank you, also, for what you bring to this community.
      I am in full agreement with your perspective on this and I'm also deeply sorry that you had to endure such a horrifying experience.

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    4. Lauri, you have managed to take the most difficult personal trauma and transform it into a means of connection, hope, and greater understanding. I am in awe of your ability to offer that bridge to us all so that we can more carefully consider the cost of requiring a constant "brave face" from those we admire. My sincerest thanks to you.

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    6. Lauri, what a poignant story and perfect example. Thank you for sharing. I know that it is not easy. But you are so right! We cannot appease the bully at the expense of the victim. No one has a right to bully someone regardless of their title, position, money, fame, whatever. You've touched the heart of the matter so eloquently and my heart goes out to you. - S.S. in the U.S.

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    7. @Lauri et al.,

      I am so sorry to hear this story. You are brave and courageous to tell it. While your story proves many things about bullies, the one thing that stands out to me is that abuse does not happen in a vacuum. People see it and do not stop it because they think it is ok. We must educate these people that abuse is never acceptable behavior. Teaching proper behavior begins at an early age, actually day one. As a teacher, I see many parents who dismiss their child’s biting, hitting or verbal attacks on others. It is especially noticeable at sports games. It really sticks out in junior high school. Parents who laugh at this behavior simply encourage it. It is not cute, it is not funny and it does not reflect well on the parents. Isn’t it time for all of us to loudly speak against the bullies and truly support the victims?

      It begins at home.

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    8. Lauri,
      It took such courage for you to share your story. Than you, and you are absolutely right.

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    9. Thank you Lauri for sharing your story! You put up very important questions! xoxo

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    10. Lauri, I don't think I can post it here, but if I could, you would have my patented, world famous bluhare hug.

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    11. Dear Lauri
      You are a true hero. You went through a terrible experience and you shared your story because you care about others. Thank you and god bless you.
      Shira, Israel

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    12. Klara from Croatia21 October 2019 at 21:53

      OMG Lauri....thank you for sharing that pinful story, but.thank you more for your words after that! It really made me wonder and althouh I was with the "kill them with kindness" opinion, you are 100% right!!!!!!!!!!!

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    13. Dear Lauri, I am the one who used the phrase "killing them with kindness," but I did NOT mean it in the way you took it. I totally think that your former parents-in-law were awful and wrong, as are all people who advocate trying to placate an abuser. Victims are never at fault and must never be made to think that their behavior is the problem.

      What I meant was that Meghan, WITH the rest of the RF, can and should operate from a position of strength and power to gain control over what is happening in this situation. I don't really know what that will mean. They cannot do their jobs without the press; there's no escaping from that fact. So they simply MUST do what they can to change the situation without assuming in any way at all "the blame" for this mess. The blame is squarely on those media and their readers who attack Meghan. I hope they somehow get their just reward for their horrible actions!

      The Sussexes can choose to leave their public roles, as one drastic option. If they choose not to do that, then they have to have press in their lives. It isn't exactly the same as the absolute necessity for a woman being physically abused to escape the relationship. But in this case, it might become that necessary for both of the Sussexes' mental health. And if that is the case, then your comparison is fully complete and apt. I know I often don't explain myself enough for others to understand my thinking, but I couldn't let you think I blame Meghan in any way.

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    14. Thank you all so much for your kind words, they have brought many a tear to my eyes.

      @Marci Andy, I do understand where you were/are coming from but again I disagree. First off the RF really doesn't need the press the way they did 10+ years ago. The Sussex's for example don't go through the press for their announcements, they use social media. Frankly, I don't think there will much of a traditional press, as we know it now, in say 20 years time. Also, look at the members of the RF that get very little to no press coverage and they still do their jobs day in and day out. Secondly, the only way forward, as I see it, is for the collective RF to stand up to the press. The tabloid press has been able to put forward their vile agenda for far too long, longer than Meghan's been alive. They operate on fear and take advantage of that fear every day. I'm rather stunned at how the RF and British society in general just seem to accept this behavior. Perhaps now is the time for courage, courage to say "enough is enough".

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    15. Hi again, Lauri, no really, I think you and I are on the same page, maybe in different paragraphs . . . I agree with what you said here. You're right that the press is evolving into something else. While free societies always will need something like it, its future is definitely in flux. While there are members of the RF who get little press coverage, I suspect that the RF as an institution would disappear without a public following. I second your suggestion that the collective needs to stand up to the vile publications en masse. When I first studied in Britain the summer that Prince William was born, I experienced culture shock at how much ill-will came my way because of my nationality, even with 80% of my heritage being British Isles. So yes indeed, I think the tabloid culture of attacking anything non-insular is long entrenched, and as you say, stunning.

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    16. Lauri, you are a hero on many levels & my words fail me to describe the powerful impact your story & your insights have had on me. I truly hope your words & your wisdom touch the hearts of many many people & that positive action & change follows from your inspiration!

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  11. Lauri, You said it perfectly, unfortunately. And yes this woman, Meghan, is now very privileged, but she is continually viewed and picked at and tormented. How many of us would trade our anonymous lives for that? She says she is not "living." What does that tell the RF? Why are they not gathered around her and Harry like a shield in a loving hug?

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    1. Because there have been fairly issues in the royal family for a long time. When the Queen and her sister grew up, the girls and their parents were a very tight and loving family unit ("us 4"). You can read about that in biographies etc. I'm sure there are many people who don't want to hear that but at some later point, it all went South. Because they are a royal family, people would like them to be exemplary and perfect but that is not always the case. Of course there are functioning smaller family units within the royal family - Anne and her children; Sophie & Edward with children. It has been often talked about that William found within Kate's family something very comforting and loving - they are always there for each other, support and love each other dearly. We also all know what happened with Diana and while you can't blame the royal family for everything - I mean how could the other family members possibly have made up for the love that her own husband didn't have for her? - perhaps some more emotional support could have been offered.
      Back to my first point: the royal family has many issues - there's the issues with Andrew, of course, but certainly other issues as well. I do think there are certain family members that they could go to for private support - Anne is said to have always been close to Harry and has seemed to get along well with Meghan, Sophie, Zara... but the higher ranking family members who have the power and reach to provide public support that can truly change something, well I think it is safe to say that they seem unwilling to do so.

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  12. Oh Lauri. How poignant and beautiful and apposite your words are. Thank you for this powerful reminder of where the blame lies. Not knowing the extent of the malice which would come her way, Meghan assumed that she would be treated fairly. It's all she asks for in this interview.

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  13. I don't usually comment since English is not my first language and it's not easy. But I can't stay silent. Harry and Meghan are two wonderful people, caring, genuine, very committed to their job (I noticed that part too), and I feel awful for them. I didn't realize it was so hard for them, particularly because Meghan said she doesn't read anything about her, but of course she knows, and as she said, she is particularly sensible, being pregnant then being a new mom.

    I feel so sorry for them.

    I hope their team reads this blog and the comments, and I would like to say:

    Meghan, we love you. Millions of us love you. We are far more (lovers) than they are (haters). We know tabloids fabricate stories to sell their papers and we know it's not the truth. Our truth is that you are a wonderful new member of the Royal Family and that you are doing a wonderful job. We don't care about your family or whatever, we care about you. We don't oppose you to Kate, we love you both.
    You are right to sue those tabloids. Don't give up.

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    1. Caroline in Montana21 October 2019 at 23:01

      you nailed it Cecile!! they just need to keep on and let the haters and the BRF haters fall away. so many more love them and their mission.

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  14. Dear Lauri, thank you - this could not be said better and more heartfelt.
    Also I admire your care and your open heart. A lot of people feel they have a difficult life and think it only fair when others struggle as well. This will not make this world a better place. But a courageous woman like you who experienced violence who stands up for other people experiencing brings change for the better. Thank you

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  15. I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. It is obvious they have been hurt by the press coverage, and that is sad and no one deserves to be treated the way people in the public eye. There are real people behind the public faces. But that has been true for a long time and for many people in the public eye. I see a deeper pain here for Harry and Meghan.

    One aspect is how Harry views his role as the torchbearer for Diana’s legacy. I see that he has taken too much on his heart and his shoulders in that regard. He was very young when his mother died, and that is heartbreaking, but I see that he still has a child’s view of his mother—that she was a perfect angel and the rest of the world were bad guys. And that is not healthy. He has not gained a level of healing and adult perspective that allows him to honor his mother’s memory but still become his own man. I find this the most heartbreaking of all. For all of Diana’s strengths and weaknesses, she was a devoted mom, and I doubt she would want her memory to burden her son in that way.

    With that burden, Harry and William both have made the press the focus for they anger in their mothers death as they grew. We saw William go through a similar battle of trying to keep the press away from his family and making statements and lawsuit when necessary, and his anger and pain were evident, too. He seems to have found a semblance of peace with the role of the press in his life at this point. I hope Harry can do the same—they cannot hold the roles they do and be removed from the press—fair or unfair as it may be.

    In that regard, I think marriage and fatherhood in such quick succession have triggered a setback for Prince Harry. When he speaks of the the flashes and clicks bringing him back, he’s not really clear about to what—Diana’s death, his childhood, this awful days of national mourning and waking behind her coffin...I think the conflict over privacy with Archie has more to do with his personal struggle with his past than it does with current media coverage.

    I was concerned in their engagement interview when they spoke of “hitting the ground running”. It didn’t seem the right approach to me either for a young relationship in the spotlight or for a woman who is coming to a new country and will assume a role as a representative of the people there. The press has not always been fair, but some of the criticism could have been avoided if they had been seen as easing Meghan into royal and her getting to know the people and customs instead of jumping feet first into the big show.

    I do find it a bit unfair to criticize the support the royal family has or has not been giving them. It’s hard to know from the outside how people in the family have tried to help them. It seems Harry and Meghan do feel like it’s them against the world, but how can we know if that is because people have ignored their pain or if they won’t let others in to help. Struggles like this are complex for family members to be able to help if the ones hurting are not open to being helped. That’s one of the many terrible things about depression—the way we isolate ourselves from those who long to help us.

    It is a sad and difficult place, and while the press has been over the top at times, I think there is much more to this issue than that. I hope this break gives Harry and Meghan and Archie time to peacefully grow together as a family. I hope that Harry gets some help for the hurts he struggles with, and maybe this will give everyone a chance to reset and come back healed and ready to take a more positive path forward.

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    1. I think this is a very insightful response - I would also agree that becoming a parent would revive complex emotions in Harry, who lost his mother at a young age, and, before that, would have had very few memories of a family life with parents who loved each other and were happy together.

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    2. I don't find it unfair to criticise the royal family. Obviously, I don't know how each supported the Sussexes, after watching the documentary tho, I have the feeling, they did absolutely nothing!

      But I do remember the Queen, supporting her favourite son, during the most disgusting allegations, not once but many times.

      Meghan did absoutely nothing wrong, Andrew though.....

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    3. If the royal family campaign against bullying and support mental health is to mean anything, then this is the time to step up where it counts.

      Otherwise we will see “Megxit”.

      Megxit is a campaign started by a small group of online trolls and according to research, are angry middle age American women. This group along with others similar ones, some with troll bots which show a complexity of pointed targeting, started the attack even before Meghan was married. They fuel the comment section of tabloids and the twitter page of royal correspondents to attack this couple.

      This has been going on since 2016. 3 years of sustained attack.

      - sad in the US

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    4. I hardly ever comment, but I have to - these thoughts are pretty much exactly what I have been thinking but haven't been able to express like that. The press coverage has been appalling at times, and anyone would find it hard to bear, but there is something more to this, something very raw that needs to be fixed from the inside (I of course also think the media should fix their attitude, but I think it takes much more than that to make Harry&Meghan - especially Harry - truly happy). And I hope they get the help they need.

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    5. Zora from Prague21 October 2019 at 22:26

      I agree with you, anon 16:09. Let's not forget the Queen supported Meghan when she took her into the family openly at Christmas before H+M were married (which has not happened with anyone else before); she showed her support very clearly by taking her on an engagement in Cheshire in June 2018, just after the wedding; there were lovely photographs of the Queen and Prince Philip, together with Meghan's mum, beaming with joy over Archie's birth; H+M were given the big responsibility of representing the Queen as Commowealth ambassadors in Africa... I see all these things as big and public signs of support.
      I'm very sorry H+M are going through all this - bullying fellow human beings and throwing dirt at them is and always will be wrong; at the same time, I wouldn't dare judge the RF for lack of support.

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    6. Perfectly articulated. You echo my sentiment of 'I don't know'.

      While watching the documentary, it struck me how much Harry is clinging onto his mother's approach to doing things. After so many years, he should not still be trying to retrace his mother's every footstep, believing her to be perfect in every way. I also didn't understand what the flashes and clicks kept triggering...

      There's definitely something more here, and it's extremely sad that it has to play out for all the world to see.

      Harry and Meghan clearly want to change the world and that's a great thing. (Strangely, while I don't particularly like Meghan, I support everything she's trying to achieve.) But instead of doing everything their way, maybe find a happy balance? No easy answers here.

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    7. I watched the documentary and felt for Harry and Meghan. They should absolutely push back against the bullying. IRL you have to speak to bullies in the only language they understand:force, right? It's like when kids get bullied, and it stops when they finally fight back. That being said, Harry sounds like he still has a good deal of healing to do as a result of his mother's death. Every time he has flashbacks--that sounds like PTSD. Meghan was honest, transparent and vulnerable. She took a chance in sharing what she did with the reporter and, also, was quite positive at the same time. She looks so supportive of Harry too, e.g.rubbing his back and so on but she can't carry his mental health. It has to change; no one deserves what they're going through. I think William knows matters with the press won't change so he keeps a polite distance. Remember when Charlotte commented to the press at Louis' christening that "you can't come in" or something like that. William smirked. He gets it.

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  16. I think the don't complain don't explain tact worked well for the total family in the past but in this day and age of social media where everything becomes literally a world wide conversation/ argument and goes viral that silence will no longer work. None of the royal family have had to deal with media on the scale Meghan has. I can't imagine working as hard as she has, putting her heart and soul into everything she's done, accomplishing as much as she's done in just one year all while being newly wedded and having her first baby and still having the focus of it all be not just negative but out and out lies and rubbish. And that on a world scale. How disheartening that must be! She had talked about not going on social media to avoid it but I'm sure she'd like to go out shopping as Kate does or go to a restaurant with her husband now and again. You can't 100% avoid being exposed unless you become a prisoner in your own home. No one can expect that of her. She does have the right to live her life and thrive and be happy. How hard that must be when you have an army of media and their followers blasting you with a steady stream of hate. You are right, Charlotte, if the royal family isn't careful they will lose a very important part of the family and future of the monarchy. I don't understand the queen's readiness to show support for the duke of york and yet nothing for Meghan. It boggles the mind. I can only hope that this documentary and these legal actions will change the tide. People need to take responsibility for the atmosphere of negative or positive that they project. This world has too much negativity already. No need to make up lies about someone and add more. Like Harry said, it's looking at someone as a commodity not as a human. Also, no one in broadcasting or publishing should touch the likes of Piers Morgan with a 10 foot pole! People like that need to be run out of business. I also don't understand the feeling of ownership and right to tell people how to live their lives that the british public have over the royal family. I get that they pay taxes to them, but does that make them slaves or puppets? I researched this and the amount of money the public pay to them in taxes is less by far than the amount the royal family brings into the country through tourism alone not to mention other avenues of revenue. Besides the fact that Meghan and Harry have their own money, she from working as an actress and he from inheritance of his mother. I'm sure not everything they do is with public money. It couldn't possibly be. The british taxes would have to be much higher for all the money they think is being spent to all come from their taxes. I do not understand their feeling that they can dictate what Meghan and Harry do with their lives. With all the charitable work and things they've accomplished I'd think they'd see they're getting their moneys worth. It's, again, treating them like they aren't human. My prayers and love go out to Meghan, Harry, and Archie. -S.S. in the U.S.

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  17. Very well said, Charlotte!

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  18. Becca H in Colorado21 October 2019 at 16:25

    I'm devastated. Are Harry and Meghan truly considering giving up their titles and their roles? I would be sick to see them defeated by this, when they have so much to offer and do so much good for others! The royal family needs to take a stand for them now. There is no more time for putting on a brave face and pretending it isn't happening. That has not worked for this couple. The abuse campaign has continued to grow in fervor. I've said it before, but I'll say it again: if the Queen can make a show of support for Andrew (don't even get me started on him), then she can make a show of support for her grandson and his wife.

    And to anyone saying that Harry and Meghan should just get over it because they are wealthy and privileged: one's economical status does NOT make it ok to be bullied. You are only contributing to the smear campaign against H&M and should really watch the videos again and try to have some compassion.

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    1. I doubt that they're going to give up their titles, but even if they did, can't they continue to do good work? Obviously being a part of the RF comes with perks, but he has money that he inherited from his mother and she has her own money. They're initiatives wouldn't have the backing or imprimatur of the RF, but they could still do it.

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    2. Becca H in Colorado21 October 2019 at 20:12

      Yeah, they for sure could. My point is that they shouldn't have to.

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  19. The bullying is not something anyone should ever just “get over”. They must, though, >>get on<< with living life on their own terms. The bullies will never win; H&M will thrive. As it is now, H&M are letting the bullies define them. Time to rally, stand up, take back the narrative and live life on your terms — whatever they decide is what I will support and, hopefully, the rest of the world will support/respect their choices.

    Take. it. back.

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  20. Anne-Sophie de Paris21 October 2019 at 16:57

    Lauri đŸ™đŸŸđŸ™đŸŸ !
    Pour moi vous ĂȘtes une grande dame et je ne saurai vous remercier pour ce tĂ©moignage !
    Oui dans notre société, les victimes sont considérés comme des coupables !
    Je le disais dans le post précédent qu'il fallait: soit soutenir Meghan ou s'abstenir .
    Je suis toujours malheureuse qu'en j'entends des donneurs de leçon.
    Vivons nous avec eux pour savoir ce qui se passe réellement chez eux ?
    Oui ils ont une vie de privilégiés.
    Ils vivent dans dans des manoirs ,roulent dans les grosses voitures !
    J'avoue que je ne les envie pas!
    Quand je vois aujourd'hui Meghan, cette femme lumineuse, qui gĂ©rait sa vie comme elle le voulait et devenir l'ombre d'elle-mĂȘme ....



    Je dis c'est grave !
    La plupart de nous "jonglons" pour joindre les deux bouts.est ce pour autant qu'il faut dire Ă  Meghan de se taire et continuer Ă  souffrir en silence ?
    Ma réponse est non!

    PAM de Boston !
    Permettez moi malgré le respect que j'accorde à votre commentaire de vous dire que je ne le partage nullement pas!
    Vous ne les soutenez pas suite Ă  votre long argumentaire .
    J'ose juste dire que vous parlez des ĂȘtres humains dotĂ©s d'un coeur et de sentiments.
    L'argent seul n'a jamais fait le bonheur d'un ĂȘtre.
    Je trouve que vous venez de les insulter.
    C'est mon ressenti.
    Libre Ă  vous Charlotte de ne pas le publier.
    Anne -Sophie

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  21. Before I read the comments (and I can already see there are rich insights and careful considerations going into them), I have to commend you, Charlotte. How can we tell that tabloids are irresponsible at best and malicious at worst? Because there are OTHER journalists out there dedicated to searching out the facts and telling the whole story instead spreading salacious rumors to sell subscriptions. Charlotte, in a space filled with bad reporting, you are one of the rare journalists committed to integrity. I am grateful be one of your readers for the past several years.

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    1. I couldn't have said it any better. Thank you for all you do, Charlotte.

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  22. I love both your blogs and have read them from their inception. I'm an American and happily not exposed to the British tabloid press, which frankly sounds horrible. Nor do I read the "papers" at the checkout for the grocery store in the US, etc. So I realize I am not fully informed. But I am genuinely interested what people think is Harry and Meghan's reason for doing this documentary. I understand the lawsuits, but I just don't get reason for spilling all this emotion on tv. Surely there are many people in the UK who love Harry and Meghan, who support them, and who hate the tabloid journalism. I can see wanting to talk about this to one's family, one's friends, even one's therapist. But why does the whole world need to know their personal anguish, particularly when so many people--who truly love them--are not complicit in the press garbage. We live in an age of personal display in public: in politics, reality tv, celebrity promotion, of all sorts. And personally I hate all of it.

    This is not meant as a hateful question. I genuinely would like to know what, in particular UK, readers think motivated Harry and Meghan to air their feelings so directly in public, particularly when the object of their anger seems to be the press rather than the people--surely the majority of the viewers--who tuned in to hear about their trip and who care about them. If their goal was to diminish the role of the tabloid press in their lives, I doubt this will be successful. Short of not reading the press, what else can one do? What do you think Harry and Meghan want to achieve with this very painful view into their personal life? I would genuinely like to know

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    1. Tammy from California24 October 2019 at 05:30

      Laura, I too am very curious about this. I do not have an answer, except that maybe it just came up because the reporter thought he could take liberties in asking the question? I noticed though, that no one here is really asking that question and it's a good one.

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  23. After watching the video, I was particularly taken by how difficult this has been on Harry. He actually seems unwell. Charlotte I agree 100% with your comment that if the RF is not careful they may lose these 2 and that absolutely would be a shame.

    I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that Charles will address this situation with the press, someway, somehow. And probably before the end of the year.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I was reading the comments by greybirdk on the past post and so agree. And I think Harry sees little Archie and identifies with Archie as himself, to grow up with a very unhappy mother. I believe he does have PTSD and that is very hard to treat, and certainly does not get "cured." Harry may indeed feel he is swept back into his childhood and is trying to save Meghan and Archie, like he wishes someone would have saved Diana and himself. I know the press has been very cruel to Charles over the years, so there may be little sympathy there. But I believe Harry could take the comments for himself -- he's just worried about Meghan.

    ReplyDelete
  25. One thing we need to understand and take into consideration is that this documentary was made during a trip that was freighted with emotion simply by the fact that a biracial woman and a white man—Senior Royals who are President and Vice-President of the Commonwealth Trust—walked hand in hand which a crime during apartheid.

    Another is the relenting pace of the tour, jetlag, managing an infant, as well as deeply affecting encounters with people benefiting from the work of charities Meghan and Harry support. To that mix add Harry retracing the steps of the mother he lost as a 12 year-old and his very real fears that history could repeat itself.

    Then, both interviews were conducted when the interviewees were tired and their emotions closer to the surface than they might have been at a different time. Were those questions asked today, the answers and the emotion triggered might look quite different.

    Into this state of vulnerability add seemingly solicitous but highly leading questions. Cue the kind of music that intensifies the frank answers given and you have moments that make excellent soundbites, full of memes that can circulate forever on social media platforms.

    Travel affects people that way. Grief affects people that way—any people royal or not. I have wept at moments of elation and devastation in parallel situations. Half an hour, day or week later that is no longer my emotional state.

    But once on film, until it is no longer current, we run the run the risk of assuming that this is Meghan and Harry’s dreadfully unhappy and permanent state of mind and fragile mental health. That’s a dangerous assumption to fall into. Very likely, getting it off their chests has already worked to release much of the pent up frustration and begun to lance still festering wounds.

    What I found more telling in the documentary was the focus of the first day. The visit to those who were learning to act in self defense, engage in a tremendous fight back. I believe that’s where Harry and Meghan are now with the law suits and the upcoming break from engagements—literally in a fight for their lives. The fight for the right to do the most good with the lives they have been given—and chosen—and to be treated fairly. The right thrive—not merely survive the abuse—but thrive as royals, as individuals and as a family.

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    Replies
    1. Anne-Sophie de Paris21 October 2019 at 22:10

      Philly Je partage complÚtement votre analyse qui essaie de décrire l'état émotionnel dans lequel se trouvait le couple.
      Oui Harry a pris la place symbolique de son pĂšre le "prince Charles " et Meghan occupe la place de sa maman.Archie Ă©tant lui mĂȘme !
      Harry est trĂšs fragile en essayant de protĂ©ger Meghan ,il se protĂšge lui mĂȘme !
      Il faudra une dose forte de thérapie pour les deux pour ne pas s'auto -détruire .
      Ce qui est sûr c'est que leur amour est fort. Il ne faut pas qu'il se transforme en arme fatale.
      Je leur souhaite beaucoup de courage et je compatis Ă  leur chagrin

      Delete
    2. Valuable input Philly. Let's not catastrophize what they said on a whirlwind trip that was bound to bring up Harry's emotions, being that he traced his mom's footsteps. That's hard on absolutely anyone. Now add the scrutiny. Gosh, let them be normal, vulnerable humans. Alison from NY.

      Delete
  26. After the unprecedented, relentless bullying, some people are pushing the narrative Harry is too emotional, couple needs to leave and put down roots elsewhere.

    This is exactly what happened to a group of high school boys who were assaulted by their popular older teammates in my hometown. The effort to make the assaults sounds like harmless pranks, that everyone goes through, and these kids just need to toughen up because it’s tradition. The adults, the parents of the bullies, started a campaign to make the assaults sound innocuous and unintentional and went after the families who took it public. The victims families were told they weren’t team players, were looking for sympathy and should leave. This situation was allowed to fester that some of the kids did leave the school. The school admin sat on this trying to not upset a popular successful team that could go to state championship. The situation made the local news. No happy ending here as the dam broke. Community splintered as more accusations now of rapes, that there were parties setup to rope young first year high school girls in, to get them drunk and have sex with them. This also turns out to be “tradition”.

    That’s reality.

    To tell them to go away, I think the term coined is “Megxit“. With our thoughts and prayers of course along with shout outs for anti-bullying and mental health.

    -Sad in the US

    ReplyDelete
  27. No one should be diagnosing Harry and Meghan with depression, PTSD, post-partum depression, or any other mental illness. Such determinations are for qualified professionals to make in consultation with their clients. None of us have any right to be privy to that information nor should we be. And, for those who may not realize, many mental illnesses and mental health challenges require continued management (as Harry said) throughout one's life. Some people may be fortunate enough to find complete recovery following counseling or treatment. But, for many of us that is not the case and managing our mental illnesses is a lifelong challenge and journey. This does not mean that we are weak. Quite the opposite, in fact. It takes a great deal of strength to live and cope with a mental illness, particularly for years and years.

    No one should be telling Harry and Meghan to just deal with everything because they have a life of privilege and position. Stress does not discriminate. Hurt and pain do not discriminate. Mental health challenges do not discriminate. Whether wealthy, poor, or somewhere in between, no one deserves to be attacked with racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and sexism. No one deserves to be bullied.

    No one should be encouraging the "stiff upper lip" and "never complain, never explain" mantras. What those really mean is this - do not talk about your feelings. Far too many people equate an honest discussion of feelings and emotions with "complaining" and this is wrong. Talking about how one is feeling, or the emotional turmoil one is experiencing is NOT complaining. It is giving voice to pain that has become difficult to bear. As Meghan said, the embodiment of such mantras actually causes much more internal damage, and in the long run, they are vastly unhelpful (especially in terms of mental health).

    No one should sit by silently while someone you profess to love and care about is bullied and treated in such an abhorrent and vile way. It is time for the royal family to visibly take a stand against this abuse by the British press, and rally around Harry and Meghan. I hope they are doing so privately, but they need to do so in a more public manner. While admitting that there has been some tension between them, Harry loyally and lovingly stood by his brother in this interview. It is time for William to do the same for Harry, for Meghan, and for Archie.

    Finally, I want to commend Harry and Meghan for being open and honest in this interview and documentary. They were open about their passions and what inspires them. They were open about the good that they want to do. They were open about their pain, stress, and turmoil. And they were open about how much the British tabloid press has hurt them. It takes courage to be vulnerable and let others into the realities of what is truly going on. They deserve empathy, compassion, care, support, encouragement, solidarity, and love. They do not deserve the constant criticism, judgment, and maltreatment coming at them on a daily and hourly basis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How do we know that William hasn't lovingly stood by his brother? That Harry has chosen to speak about these issues is commendable and is part of a dialogue that needs to take place. But to assume that the BRF hasn't stood by them, or offered them counseling, or encouraged them to seek help is not correct. Not all manners of support need to come in the form of a public announcement to be valid or to be real.

      Delete
    2. "It takes courage to be vulnerable and let others into the realities of what is truly going on". So true Sarah. Being able to do this is a strength not a weakness.

      Delete
    3. No one knows if the Royal Family has been supportive or not privately. The best support often comes privately, but this is a very different case. Harry and Meghan are being brutalized in a public fashion by the British tabloid press, and private support is not going to cut it here. By not standing up publicly for Harry and Meghan against this racist and vile garbage in the press, the Royal Family is making it look like they either condone it or don't care. If you are passionate about protecting children and youth from cyberbullying, as William is, but yet you fail to call out the racism against your sister-in-law, then it is hard to square those too. William has also called out the racism against various athletes in the UK, but he still has not done the same for his sister-in-law. That is a problem. I respect William and Kate very much, but their silence on all of this has bothered me substantially, especially in light of their work on mental health, children, and cyberbullying. I don't expect the Queen or Charles to offer public support, but I expected and still expect much better from William.

      Delete
  28. Going through bullying while pregnant AND postpartum? I can't imagine. I struggled with postpartum depression and it was a struggle to get up every day. Not to say that she had postpartum depression specifically, but surely depression of some kind due to having a baby, the added pressure, life changes, family struggles, the press... I can't imagine going through all of that in a fishbowl, along with the challenges of her very public family falling out. It really is sad to see.

    I will say that as someone who is not in a position like they are, it is hard to fully understand the pressure they are under. We all like to talk about the privilege and luxury, but that comes at a price. One that I know I wouldn't be willing to pay. I hate when people say "oh, poor little rich girl" about her struggles. Yes, she lives a life of luxury and goes on nice trips, lives in nice homes and wears fancy clothes- but all of that is nothing if you are unhappy. Money can't buy happiness guys.

    This makes it understandable as to why they chose to not give Archie a royal title, and to keep his baptism private. They cannot want this life for their kids, and I don't blame them.

    As an American (where the coverage I have seen of them has been largely positive) it is hard to understand just how bad the British tabloids have been. I honestly don't know the lies that have been told about her- aside from the supposed battle-of-the-Duchesses- which didn't last too long in the press (here anyway) if I recall. I also don't understand British publishing laws- is it really that different from the US?

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  29. I think all of the comments here are very insightful. However, I do want to mention that apart from one or two, nobody really mentioned the race issue here. While William and Kate were also subjected to criticism and tabloid gossip, it was nowhere close to the vitriol and hatred directed towards Meghan. When Meghan co-edited the piece for Vogue, some Royalists had the nerve to go on TV and say that the RF should not be in business of writing magazine articles. The same royalists never offered this insight when Kate edited a piece for Huffington Post. This is just one example, there are plenty more. I know that public figures should accept the scrutiny that comes with the privilege that they enjoy...but this wasn't scrutiny. It was just the racist vitriol spilling out of the British press that they couldn't contain anymore. This problem is not just about Meghan, or privilege...its a statement about the British Society and unless its called out clearly and countered without excuses, it will continue to define how people of color are treated in countries which, somehow, might still want all their princesses to be white.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Interesting, as in reading a lot of these comments and details they reference, the overall impression I’ve come to is that Harry is really really having a hard time handling things with equanimity at the moment and he is taking up a lot of space in their relationship that she could use. Since, you know, she’s the one that went through the physical and emotional difficulties of pregnancy and delivery directly. And she’s the one who uprooted her entire life and moved to another country. And she’s the one being pilloried by racist tabloid coverage. He’s allowed to have needs and his own trauma; I would not argue otherwise. But I think this is what people are responding to when they suggest they take some time away.

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  31. Obviously, their mental health is quite fragile at this point. I feel an extended sabbatical in remote location/country would likely be helpful. In the past 2 years, Meghan has been through an international move, a career change, a change in religion, marriage, motherhood, and a complete fracture in a family relationship. She moved into a new culture, a new group of friends, a new family and a new role. Even with no fame or media, that would be an astonishing adjustment. Unfortunately, no one saw to it that she take time off for self care. She waaay overextended herself in work right off the bat when she needed to just be quietly resting and adjusting. But that horse is well out of the barn at this point.

    I must not be seeing the press everyone else is talking about because I see just many fawning, almost saccharine headlines and almost never a paparazzi photo, nothing like Sarah or Diana. Just recently I saw something about why the Queen likes Meghan but not Kate. I think regular tea with the Duchess of Cornwall might be a wise idea. THAT is a woman who understands relentless public bullying.

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    Replies
    1. You don't see the press, just many fawning? Try #Megxit for a starter... and could use Charlotte's advice, think before you write something like you just did.

      Delete
    2. Caroline in Montana22 October 2019 at 22:59

      Good Advice Anett, think before you write.

      Delete
  32. Meghan said: "I never thought it would be easy, but I thought it would be fair."

    Oh, honey. No one who has even a rudimentary understanding of the British tabloid press would think this. Harry absolutely and utterly failed her here. He, of all people, knows what the tabloid culture is like and he didn’t show her how they treated other royals and famous people. Like a lamb to slaughter. She probably thought they were like American gossip magazines.

    No wonder she feels other royals and probably British friends aren’t asking about her well-being. They were expecting it or lived it themselves and they don’t find it unexpected. They knew what was coming and probably thought Harry had prepared her for this.
    And he, as a rich, privileged, white man had no idea what a WOC would be up against. I bet he thought Meghan’s racial ambiguity would protect her from the worst of it (Meghan has spoken how this helped her when auditioning for roles).

    I never gave much credence to people saying they should have dated longer and that she should have lived in the UK for a while before marrying, but it seems that this was indeed the case.
    After so, so, so much has been said about Diana being unprepared for what royal life was like Harry goes and does the same to his own wife.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I think the term "bullying" is way overused and therefore not effective in describing high levels of so called bullying. What they have experienced is way beyond a bully on a school ground. This is verbal abuse, slander on a world-wide scale, and character assasination.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ok, I commented earlier about not really understanding how bad it has been- since coverage of them in the US has been largely positive. (Let's be serious- we love our girl)

    Anyway- I just logged into the Daily Mail UK because... I don't know, I was curious to see what they were saying about this interview... and BAM. The first article I see about this calls Meghan "divisive" right in the title, and says that the RF is "horrified" by this interview. WTF!?

    ReplyDelete
  35. First of all, the Africa video gave me the frist real insight into H&M's struggle. Living in continental Europe, UK tabloid media does not really reach us, it is more Brexit Brexit Brexit. Anyway.

    I have mixed feelings about the last paragraph of this blog post. Of course it would be an incredible shame to lose H&M as working members of the RF. For the public and the charities anyway. For themselves, I am not sure it would be the worst thing to happen.

    Before you jump the gun, bear with me here and let's spin this thought further for a moment.

    There is always a place in the military for Harry, should he choose to return. And as for Meghan, she could more quietly but not less effectively follow her passion as a private citizen. Both of them really could. There are hundreds of charities in need of powerful resources such as Harry and Meghan can provide. They could make just as much an impact working for one charity or a foundation of charities, as private citizens, I am sure of that. The difference would be that as private citizens they would probably receive way less criticism for their actions, they would most probably attract less interest and could live a quieter and more fulfilled life.

    So, for them, it might be better to give up their place and position in the RF. For the public it would be - and lets not be mistaken, it is not just the yellow press, people reading it, buying those magazines and commenting in these stories are just as much to blame. And saying this might be ungenerous now - but should H&M really give up their royal life, I have a feeling they (the tabloids and people engaging in that behaviour) were asking for it and had it coming real good.

    Btw, is this an open secret that H&M are considering taking steps back or is this just speculation here on the blog?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Harry has said that at some point (this was even before Meghan) he had wanted to leave his royal role but the Queen asked him to stay and so he did. We don't know for sure that they are now considering taking such a step but it would be logical that it would at least be a consideration. In the documentary, Harry confirmed long-standing rumors that they are considering moving to a different Commonwealth country and conducting their work from there, he said that Cape Town would be a great please to live but at the same time a move to South Africa would be very difficult to do in reality (mainly for security reasons, I suppose).
      Here's the thing: they are protected by British police officers, if they moved to South Africa or Canada, that country would need too provide them with protection officers, which would be controversial because inevitably people in that country would start debating do we want to pay for that?
      This is true for leaving the royal family as well. Harry and Meghan are millionaires but not in the range where paying for daily security is easily possible. Giving up their titles and positions in the royal family, would mean giving up security and I do think they know how difficult that would be.

      Delete
    2. Unfortunately taking a step back and leaving the family to do good in her chosen charities was what Diana tried to do after she divorced Charles and left the Royal Family, she was still hounded by the tabloids and followed all around the world by the paparazzi so I'm not sure it will fix the problem unfortunately. It's a very sad situation and I really hope they get through it.

      Delete

  36. I find myself in a weird place here because this is the place where my mom usually inhabits. This along with the Duchess Kate blog. Much to my mom’s embarrassment, whose no nonsense attitude and who exhibits no outwardly interest in the British monarchy, I have discovered her secret vice, the British Monarchy.

    My family and I have discussed at family dinners about how groups and corporations manipulate and influence social media. I’ll only focus on the affected royals here. As a research analyst, I look at data, trends, what sustains them, when they peak and fizzle. I put together some sites that helps explain some of the things readers here are seeing. They are written for public consumption.

    https://fortune.com/2019/03/08/meghan-markle-racist-violent-trolls-abuse/

    https://www.brandwatch.com/blog/react-meghan-markle-conspiracy-theories/


    In my business, it’s not surprising to find how much media traffic is dominated by small groups at certain sites. Some groups can be traffic bots, others are mixture of bots and humans, some are directed there with links.

    It doesn’t surprise me to see that only 20 twitter accounts are responsible for 70% of the racist, anti-Meghan Markle tweets. This is how things work.

    It’s why companies like Facebook are under scrutiny. Companies and individuals pay so that tech algorithm will make their online ads target certain audience, appear to be popular or whatever agenda they want to push. Recently, Facebook got into trouble for discriminatory ad practices. Most readers are aware of such manipulation in the political realm, but it’s happening in the social and cultural areas too. It’s how anti-vaxxers gain such prominence so quickly in the US. It’s a whole new level of propaganda and manipulation causing great social unrest and upheavals.

    This is a new world where the old PR game doesn’t work. You can’t fight bots or lies on such platforms which can outpaced anything the “palace spokesperson” eventually put out.

    The important point is people are being manipulated. It’s not a level playing field. If you apply for housing or a job and do an internet search and submit an on-line application, more than likely with big companies, you’ve hit an algorithm screener. Not a person. Humans write these algorithms and they do so purposefully which could screen out older workers for example by screening in certain criteria.

    What is happening to this royal couple is merely a symptom and we are seeing it played out like a TV melodrama. The royals are better than any contrived reality TV. Even if there were no Suxesses, the Royal reality show will continue with different players because for generations, this has been the bread and butter for media groups and media people. My dad says, “ follow the money.”

    I am sad for my mom because I know it’s far more difficult to tune out these days than the days when you can only read it in the papers and TV. She’s frustrated by what she sees and mulls whether it’s time to give up this interest and move on so not to feed the monster that thrives on the misery of others.

    -sad in the US

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    Replies
    1. Sad in the US, thank you for your words. They're powerful and explain a complex problem wonderfully. I've seen blanket statements in which people claim that the current issue affecting Meghan and Harry is simply "social media." The root of the problem is much more nuanced than that.

      I occupy a professional space where one of the main components is teaching, and I emphasize media literacy constantly. In this climate, following the tweets and following the money can often mean the same thing. Always question your source. Don't fall for Facebook clickbait blindly.

      Thanks for the links. Great reads. I'd like to direct everyone to a fascinating report by Emily Mee at Sky News from August, 2019:

      https://news.sky.com/story/trolling-of-meghan-how-duchess-is-abused-over-race-and-pregnancy-11696606

      Delete
  37. they were both vulnerable and raw and are being told off for it. very unfair. im proud of her and him for having the courage to speak out about the bullying and racism. she has suffered so much hate from her own family and father, the media, piers morgan, and many around the world. She has also many who love her and support her around the world and i hope she knows that and harry too. I hope two will continue to focus on the positive aspects and the love they have worldwide also the positive impacts they are making on so many children and adults worldwide by lending their voice to important causes

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    Replies
    1. Agree with you.

      It was brave if them to take this on and outing the abuse. It’s getting much scrutiny in the mainstream press too. Whatever happens, the British monarchy needs to be grateful of these two because the tabloids can shift focus just as easily and fixate on other members with the same spite.

      I think that’s why you don’t see much from the other other royals. They are scared and I don’t blame them.

      D.

      Delete
  38. I empathize with them, I truly do.
    Having said that, if anyone can define "fair" to satisfy the entire global population, I would like to learn that definition. She signed on for it, he was born into it.
    It is short-sighted, victim-hood, and naive to believe you will only receive favorable commentary as a public person. Ask Hillary Clinton.
    Thanks for your wonderful posts. I appreciate them.
    Thanks for your informative posts & for creating a common ground where people may share their filtered opinions.
    I love them both, & wish them well.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Only favourable commentary? You are totally missing the point. Please, watch the documentary and listen to what she says!

      Delete
    2. Becca H in Colorado21 October 2019 at 20:20

      Please re-read Charlotte's post. "Signing up" for a life/role in the Royal family does NOT mean signing up for relentless, malicious, mob-mentality slandering and abuse.

      Delete
    3. She never ever said fair = positive coverage. How did you take that away? This inference on what she thinks to me is so patronizing. She was an actress in an industry that is vicious, she would be used to criticism. Not being accustomed to the cesspool that is the UK tabloids she expected coverage to be unbiased not favorable.

      Delete
  39. I am very irritated by some comments and their take away from this post. Divorce? Considering giving up their titles? Feeling left alone by the BRF? Nowhere in the documentary or in the post was any statement to back that up.
    This is all speculation and frankly pretty similar to the stuff the articles have made up.
    And what about telling the BRF how to handle this? Harry and Meghan‘s way clearly didn’t work. We have no idea how the family deals with this in private and what support they get (or not). They don’t have to do anything just because some feel they should. Only Harry and Meghan‘s opinion matters. But I think they all came to the conclusion that it actually doesn’t help. No matter what anyone says to support them, haters will twist it.
    Maybe it’s time to leave them alone so that they can find some piece. It doesn’t matter if they decide to pursue their charity engagements as private citizens or if they stay working royals.
    C.

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  40. I think it is very ironic that many of us were so happy about how Meghan was talking about hitting the ground running and showing her work ethic and working ASAP and as much as possible...and now a lot of us kind of agree that the pace was not sustainable and it might have been damaging to Meghan. I suspect Meghan might have come through just the same - she was excited and determined to bring her best, but it turned out to be a lot more harsh and complicated than she might have known.

    Plus, a lot of their steps was not thought about enough - and I don't mean this in a bad way, but The Royal Foundation is a prime example - it was just a big fuss in the end, clearly no one knew what was going to happen. And then her family kept speaking to the press and it was just handled so badly from the PR and it kept adding to her struggle. And to be honest,from watching the documemtary I don't think Harry might be stable and firm enough to hold Meghan when she needed it - he is just as fragile and hurt as she is. All in all this is a very unfortunate situation for them and I hope they have some quality time on their break. I hope mama Doria will create that family/home feeling for them if they spend time with her. I suspect she might be the person to help them find some peace.
    Ella

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    Replies
    1. It’s not the pace and the level of work. You look at them before they were married, these are two very active people.

      What grind them down are the obsessive trolling and abusive slanders and lies since they met. Privilege as they may be, they are humans. Not the people’s pet or toy to be abused or fawn over.

      That’s what this is about.

      Delete
    2. Caroline in Montana21 October 2019 at 23:15

      very well said Ella +1

      Delete
  41. I am devastated for Meghan and Harry. I am grateful to you, Lauri, for sharing your stark reminder that the victim of abuse is not the problem. (I'm so sorry for your suffering.) I cringe at the many suggestions that Meghan should just do or have done this or that, and then the vicious predators would stop their bullying, or it would never have occurred. The haters seem to think they own everyone in the Royal family, and they are the marionettes who pull the strings controlling the actions of their property. If a member dares to have a thought or action appart from their prescribed and restricted "Stepford" existence, they are fair game for destruction or banishment. As an American, I have never witnessed anything as vile as this. i'm sure Meghan never did, either, and could not have imagined it. She said as much. How does British society allow this to go on? It boggles my mind.

    My other reaction is shared by many here. Where is the Royal family in all of this? Why does it appear that they have abandoned Meghan to cope on her own, as they did Diana? I thought they had learned their lesson. Meghan may have been referring to this abandonment with two poignant statements, which alluded, without precise details... I thought her statement about not many people asking if she is OK might relate to members of the Royal family she expected more from... Also, when Tom refers to her privilege, she says something like, "It's not what people think," or "It's very different from that." I think she's trying to say that her reality being part of this Royal Family is not the life of privilege people think she has. Just as for Diana, her wealth and status could never have made up for her treatment at the hands of the tabloids or the hands of the Royal Family. Meghan must be thinking, "How can this treatment be considered a privilege?"

    Thank you, as always, for your wonderful coverage, Charlotte. If your blog has any impact on members of the Royal Family, I hope they will heed your call for them to act.

    My prayer is that Harry and Meghan will put the health of themselves and their family above all else. They are both driven to do as much good in the world as they can, but their family's well-being must take precedence.

    R





    ReplyDelete
  42. I don't think this is an issue of "do they really work hard" or "they have wealth and privilege, so get over it." This is an issue of human beings being more than just scrutinized. They are being categorically attacked in a lot of instances. Imagine constantly having someone make up new gossip about you every single day. Imagine going to work and having someone come tell you that something new was said about you. Imagine having someone berate everything you do. And I'm talking on a small scale in our normal, every day lives. I don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of cruelty. I would be devastated. I would want to stay in bed and not come out, but I would be forced to because I have a job to do. Even though they have privilege and wealth, they are still human. They have emotions and feelings like the rest of us do. When you strip away the things that separate us like money or cars or houses, and you look at the people we are all the same at the core of our beings. Wealth and privilege doesn't protect your soul from being scarred by painful things being said, true or not. It doesn't keep out the hurt that you feel from betraying you or from someone saying untrue things. We are talking about things that are either untrue, or if they are true, things that should remain private. Compassion is free, it doesn't cost anything to feel compassion for another human being. It doesn't cost anything to say "I can relate" or "I'm sorry that is happening to you." It is detrimental to your physical and mental health to be under constant stress. And for those who say they have no stress outside of going out on engagements, we don't know what life is like behind the scenes. We don't know what they do when they aren't in front of the cameras. And being in front of a camera would be stressful enough without the added tension of what the latest newspaper has printed about you. Constantly worrying about what you are doing or saying and if it is going to be taken out of context would be enough stress. But remember at the heart of the matter is two human beings who are trying to raise their son. We're all human, we all have emotions, shouldn't that be enough to take a step back and think before we speak...?

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  43. Even back in their engagement interview when they were kind of starry-eyed talking about how they'd discussed so early in their relationship how much good they would be able to do in the world, I had some twinges of concern about how much Harry actually understood or prepared Meghan for what the reality was likely to be. Harry had his own struggles prior to meeting Meghan, but he had years of very sunny press and huge popularity. Meghan, as an American, wouldn't have had any understanding of the British tabloid press and the incredibly nasty treatment that Kate, Diana, Camilla and all the other women in the BRF have gotten at times. And I think he was extremely unaware of the kind of racism Meghan was likely to face (to his credit he has clearly learned and grown a lot in this area since meeting her, but there are a number of examples from his younger years that suggest he was not exactly attuned to issues of race before meeting her).

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  44. I really hope the very best for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. The World needs their level of genuine compassion. But, I saw it coming and they have both reached their limit and have had enough. Who knows what the future holds? They’re simply taking it one day at a time. I can’t say I blame them. Thanks, Charlotte.

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  45. Come to the US, Harry and Meghan! We love you!!

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  46. What I am not understanding is - aside from the bullshit being written about them in the press - are there actually things physically preventing Harry and Meghan from living their lives? I mean she managed to give birth without anyone even knowing - we didn’t know which hospital she’d even been to until the birth certificate was published. Archie’s baptism was still totally private. We don’t see photos of them on vacation or at playgroup. I am not saying that the horrendous lies being written about them daily are not excruciating, but I also don’t see them being pursued by the press in the streets, unlike Camilla having to barricade herself in her own house or Kate being surrounded on the sidewalk.

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    1. Anonymous21 October 2019 at 21:08...so because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not happening?

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    2. Those things that happened to Camilla & Kate happened before they got married, not since

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    3. Anon 21:08, I think there are things that we can't see. Not things we don't see, but things we are not allowed to see - like threats, stalking attempts, security issues. Solely the fact you can't go anywhere without bodyguards might be a lot of pressure. And I reckon their security is dealing with various security threats on a daily basis. However, these are not, obviously, directly from the press. I imagine the role of the press in this is that it can "encourage" some ill-minded individuals to act and to e.g. write a hateful, or worse, threatening letter by publishing hateful things.
      Ella

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  47. First I want to say that I absolutely support Meghan and Harry and I think it is absolutely appropriate for them to speak out about this issue.
    With that said, I really wish they had separated this from the Africa tour. The tour was an amazing success and I think it did a lot to hilight the complex issues of this beautiful part of the world. I was hoping this documentary would be a way to extend that coverage. Unfortunately I have not seen one single news article about anything to do with the Africa tour. I’m not sure what made this all come to a head in Africa (obviously the bullying has been going on for a long time now) but I wish they had waited until the tour coverage was completely concluded and then commenced with the lawsuit and done a separate sit down interview to talk about the abuse from the press. Again I absolutely think that they should speak out against what is happening to them I just don’t understand why they did it while on a work trip when trying to promote a very developing part of the world.

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  48. I am a supporter of both H&M and W&K. I am surprised that so many here are rightly acknowledging that you cannot (and should not) believe all the nasty things you read about the Sussexes, but are happy to believe (and even infer) all sorts of negative things about the rest of the BRF, including that none of them have tried to help H&M. In my opinion, the desire to pit these two couples against each other (along with racism and xenophobia) is what has caused the situation to become so ugly. I wish the people urging kindness toward H&M would remember that everyone deserves that same kindness and the benefit of the doubt.

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  49. Royal 👑 Watcher22 October 2019 at 00:34

    My previous comment disappeared, I’ll try again.
    I’m a long standing fan of Prince Harry. When I watched the program last night, I felt very worried. Worried for Harry and Meghan because they seem so fragile, yes of course. I’m also worried about all the consequences of this. You can all imagine what they are, I won’t dwell. But, I was instantly concerned that what Harry and Meghan was putting out there would be horribly twisted and used against them. And that is exactly what is happening, so I’m wondering why? Was it even worth it for them? Would it be better and go with the Queen’s approach and keep her private life private? Go a middle path like William and Kate? Why not just support the charities that you love and make them be your voice? I don’t have the answer. Not yet, maybe never. Harry and Meghan have wonderful friends who are speaking up for them, supporting them publically. I don’t think any of my friends would to be quite honest, they would probably be mortified, but that’s not the point. The point is that the media will now have so much fuel for their fire, it will never end. Everything they said has now been taken out of context and blown up to make headlines. I just want to cringe and cry. The feud between brothers has flared up again, this makes me particularly sad. What was the point of them speaking out in this manner I wonder? Was it to benefit themselves or to benefit others in a similar situation but on a smaller scale? Will we ever know? I wish Harry and Meghan some inner peace now and hope they can get some counselling and help. Most of all, I wish that Harry and William can sort whatever differences there are. Thank you for listening to me.

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    1. It's not new that everything (single thing!) they do and say is twisted, taken out of context, measured against made up standards and cast in a negative light. That has happened since the very beginning of their relationship. Damned if they do damned if they don't, so maybe (I'm completely speculating) they just thought whatever! if we say something it will be the same as if we stay silent.

      Mandy

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  50. This is adapted from a response I made above..... I think the central issue is about human beings, any human beings being tormented to the point of emotional & physical exhaustion & potential mental illness. That's no sort of life. Period. Imagine being bullied, now imagine being bullied globally, non-stop & about things that are sometimes made up & to which you have no ability to fight back or make correct, because no one cares about the truth & nor appears to care about you & not even think of or see you as a human being. No amount of money or privilege can off set that. It would be a sad thing if the BRF loses them.... but if they have to go the way of other Royals who have stepped aside.... if that's the only option they have to be well.... then I hope they put their well being as a family & as individuals first. In the end..... they're not animals in a cage at a zoo, there for us to look at. They are human beings & this is not the kind of sacrifice that anyone should have to make. I would even think they would give up their Royal Titles & Royal compensation to be free of this torment, if it were to continue at this great cost. Between the 2 of them, they could provide for themselves & their family. I have to admit that until I watched the program..... I too had not comprehended what was going on had been taking that level of toll on them. They do put on those happy faces & brave it out. But now that I know they are not braving it as well as I thought.... I admire them giving it real thought & deciding as a couple what will be best for their mental & physical health for the rest of their lives. I'm just embarrassed that I too never thought of how bad it was for them.

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    1. Becca USA, You said it well. Thanks! And I wonder if the time off was Doria's idea? I hope some weeks with her will be soothing. Of course now I look to the same lying sources for a response from the RF, which is stupid on my part. Have read that William is "furious" and "worried." As if William would leak his personal feelings to the press. I'm sure Charles is very worried and I hope its for all the right reasons.

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  51. I can't help but feel that rest and good counselling are needed to help Meghan and Harry to rediscover their true, and not their wounded, selves.

    I recall, in the aftermath of a period of terrible stress, realizing that during that period of despair when I had felt like I'd been drowning in 'loss and leaden skies' things had got forgotten - the love and successes of my children, friendships, snowdrops and cherry blossoms... Without attempting to diminish the appalling reality of what Meghan and Harry have been through, it is also true that there is so much good and lovely still, in their lives. They are beloved and warmly welcomed at each event they attend both home and abroad, Meghan has close and loyal friends, they have a beautiful baby boy, a lovely home and garden, and meaningful work to do. Right now, our compassion for their pain is appropriate, but we ought also be aware that depressed thinking doesn't allow for a full perspective. It is even possible to self sabotage in the midst of pain - alienating those who do care (it's worth noting they chose not to spend time with extended family at Balmoral this year) while focusing on what is hurtful and unfair (all the derogatory comments). There is a risk of that in taking on the tabloid press - not because it's not justified, but because it requires directing energy and focus to what is hateful, rather than to what is good and beautiful, they risk becoming exhausted and embittered. On the other hand, if with help, they can re-direct their attention to where there is joy, the wonder of a small boy, and the acceptance and admiration of friends and strangers alike, they may find equilibrium and peace, and in time, hope too.





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  52. For people saying Meghan shouldn't have started work so soon. That never would have been accepted by the tabloids. It would have been easy attacks about tax payers money, but more importantly I would guess that part of Meghan's struggles is that she hasn't been working as much. As Harry's statement said it is when Meghan is out of sight that the tabloids can do their worst. The crowds and interacting with people even getting hugs from children provides for positive inputs into brain chemistry to counter balance the drain from the media and palace politics. It's also a positive reality check that the tabloids aren't representative of real life. Just as so many of us occasionally need a reality check about the difference between social media and real life. Meghan is used to filling he life up with work. Starting her own business. Taking on charitable causes. Suddenly with pregnancy and now a baby she can't work as she normally would. She's at Frogmore cottage, instead of popping into the Hubby kitchen and getting that human interaction.

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    1. Anon 1:39, I don't think Meghan can't work now. It is obvious any woman has a lot on her plate with a new husband and a new baby, but Meghan has the resources to get help with the household or the baby if she needs/if she goes to work. Plus, she is a Duchess, so I guess she could take her baby for private work engagements and plan them with Archie in mind. I mean - she is in a position to appear in the office with a baby without asking the boss, which might help as well.
      By which I am not saying she should work more/less! I am just saying that I think Meghan can plan her work around the baby's needs relatively well, considering her occupation. I suspect the troubles lay somewhere else :(
      Ella

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    2. Yes, if she had taken the soft route into royal duties there would have been heaps of accusations of laziness. Meghan as you said was a working woman for years before this role, including charity work. I remember on another post Charlotte said something to the effect that no one else in the royal family has been criticized so brutally for working hard. She has accomplished so much in a short time and this is the result. How messed up is that?

      AJ

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  53. I have a feeling Harry is the one who is refusing to listen to palace aides because he has a lot of anger and maybe a host of other personal issues. And because Harry is unable to guide her, Meghan is trying to right the ship the only way she knows how: Hollywood tactics. Very sad.
    She sincerely doesn’t know how to handle the press as a royal. But honestly: who can blame her? Her husband should help her navigate, but as he is troubled himself, she’s quite lost.

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    1. Yes Sarah, let's blame them vs. those who have made a career off of bullying them - good idea!

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    2. Jmccain: Since at the heart of this conversation there is disregard for human feelings and internet bullying, I really think&hope that we, commenting here on this blog, would be civil and kind to each other even when disagreeing. Sarah as well as you has a right to write her thoughts without getting sneered at in a sarcastic way. Let's disgree with respect.

      Delete
    3. Sarah is allowed to voice her opinion even if it’s not 100% in support of Meghan and Harry. It’s patronizing remarks like jmccain’s that make some people not want to comment. Sarah said nothing disrespectful so please be respectful yourself jmccain. Anon in CA

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    4. Anonymous22 October 2019 at 21:17...you seem upset. Well, saying Harry is troubled is a bit disconcerting....and it seems like Sarah is guessing and that is how rumors get started. I was stating the facts that blaming them is not the answer, but so glad you spoke up Anon in CA:)

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  54. William and Harry are two very different men and each is allowed to feel and handle their pain differently. It's unfair to compare. However, I do think some credit may be due the Middletons for providing a semblance of stability and an example of a normal family. Meghan's family has done exactly the opposite.

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  55. They seem to find joy in their son. Most likely their ultimate happiness will come from forming their own family. I wish them to find a stress free environment, find some healing, and try for one more child at the very least. The rest is work, extended family, politics, noise makers, ongoing law suit ( which money can take care of).

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  56. Well, more negative press and negative comments on social media. Very heartbreaking.

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  57. They need to handle them like a bully, and bullies feed off of this. If they just said “we know there are negative things out there and we just ignore it and let our work speak for itself” it will eventually make the drama die down - it may take months/years but it will work over time. You don’t talk to a bully and tell them how upset you are! You do that with your friends/family/therapist to process how you feel. You disarm a bully by making them think you DGAF about them at all. I feel like they are just digging themselves into a hole with the press and I want them to not do that for their own sake bc I think they are both great and both in a bad situation with the press and I’d like them to make choices that will change things for the better.

    And I understand people saying “you have to speak out about racism” and I do believe that for most people (and I talk at length with my white kids about our privilege of being white and standing up against racism) but she’s also married into a family/job where you can’t vote or take certain social stances. Same reason Kate couldn’t wear black to the BAFTAs. I think that’s why she’s keeping it personal but without being able to call out the racism, the messaging is wonky.

    It is a horrible situation for them and I actually think they can get to a point where they can ignore the bad press and just love each other and work hard and put blinders on to the rest of it. Takes a lot of discipline but it is possible and I hope they can do it. Reading all that garbage and pretending it doesn’t bother you will tear you apart but deciding to ignore it can be empowering.

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  58. I do question whether bringing this up on a tour where they're visiting people who have lost limbs and live in much more challenging circumstances was wise. I'm not going to make total judgment until I see the context - but if you zoom out on their life, it's still pretty charmed. Not to diminish their pain, it's absolutely valid and good for them to discuss it, but I think they may be failing to see how the context will make them look.
    I saw a clip where Meghan said her British friends warned her about the press and what would happen if they got married. And sadly, I think her assumption that things would be fair was naive. Her friends should have sent her some of the nasty stuff written about Kate, and pics of the press following her all around London. At least then she would have been a bit more prepared, even though she is getting even worse treatment as a WOC. Obviously fair coverage should be the standard, but sadly it's not, so they may be best served by ignoring it and letting the lawsuits deal with the obviously illegal issues. I hope some time off helps them both, they seem to really love each other and have that sweet baby and maybe time away will help them find some peace. They deserve it.

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  59. The part where Meghan talks about her American friends saying, yes, you love him, how wonderful, and her British friends saying yes, you love him, but NO. That's it. That's the tweet.

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  60. The point about being fair - something that has struck me strongly about the press’ treatment of Meghan is the context of her arrival on the scene. Print media is an industry quite possibly in its death throes, absolutely in serious decline. Having a “banker” that will sell papers, or, more likely these days, drive clicks on websites Is something they pursue voraciously, for obvious reasons. A new Royal bride, and even better, a foreign royal bride with a backstory of a messy family, a past career, a first marriage, a biracial background, must have seemed like manna from heaven for the tabloids.
    They were never going to be fair, they never have. They also never had quite the same reason to go all-in on negative press coverage before as they do right now. But negative stories drive readers, and positive ones don’t, so negative it is. And they ignore rules of basic journalism, like not publishing something unless you have two sources to confirm it, because why bother with ethics when your industry is on the line? (this was something very interesting made clear by the recent Colleen Rooney matter: the Sun had quite happily been publishing stories from only one source, Rebekah Vardy, and going ahead with them even when the Rooneys denied them. In theory, this is against the rules).
    The British tabloid press is vile, completely unfair, often immoral, and desperately needs a tough, independent regulator. I have every sympathy for Meghan and Harry in having to deal with them. I also note, long before Meghan came on the scene, the regular a Royal Reporters were already getting tetchy about Royal Family members using their own channels to publish photos and information, bypassing the traditions press channel, because again, that threatened their own viability. I thought at the time that was behind a lot of the very negative coverage of the Cambridges. And I think it’s also very much still in play now.

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  61. I have such mixed feelings on this! Ultimately I think the reason I can't shake the negative feelings is that they chose to do this in the setting that they did. I think they could have done this filmed in London and made it a separate story from their trip (it would have been must watch TV no matter what)- but something about a film shot in Africa, juxtaposed with footage of children missing limbs and extreme poverty- with an overall take away of how challenging H&M's lives are- really didn't sit well with me. I think they should be allowed to speak out on things they believe in, and challenges they have and the bullying has been awful, but it shocks me that they didn't see the optics of this and think about a better way to position it. It would give them more credibility, IMHO.

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    1. I agree, but they might not have had control over the editing of the piece. Perhaps they made comments to the effect of “what we are going through pales in comparison to...”

      Regardless, my overall feeling is that it was a huge mistake for them to be so candid about their issues in this format. It’s one thing for them, individually and as a couple, with friends, family, therapists, etc., and another to use a public forum to share their struggles as members of the RF. A “stiff upper lip” doesn’t necessarily imply that one keeps their turmoils bottled up at all times; it does mean that we can choose how and when to share our personal struggles. If H&M are at the point where they feel like it’s so out of control, they are wise to take a step back, for the sake of themselves and their son, and their mental health. Not sure why they are pre announcing a break. Whatever public engagements they have coming up in the next few weeks, the causes are going to be vastly overshadowed by this startling turn of events.

      Wishing them some tranquility in the months ahead.

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    2. This is what I keep thinking as well. I think the interview is fine, even William did an interview when he was facing criticism for not working enough. But what I cannot figure out is why this was included with the Africa tour coverage. I just wonder if something happened just before or while they were in Africa that brought all this up.

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  62. It's really interesting to hear everyone's different takes. My personal takes are she has gone through A LOT this year, moving, living in a new country, getting married, having a baby, all while leaving behind a career for a new one where she has had to give up some of her personal freedom of expression. That would be a lot for anyone to handle, and then you pile on her dysfunctional family members, and a press that is openly racist and completely making up things to sell papers/get clicks, and it's got to be such an emotional rollercoaster. Lots of highs and lots of lows, and like you said, the hormones and lack of sleep makes everything 1000x worse. Just trying to get used to married life and a new baby is a lot on a couple.

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  63. Some suggesting she should have just "eased" into the role and take her time. Meghan was doing word wide charity gigs since she was a teen. She was a world traveler, equal rights activist (you know, treating people fairly). She had traveled to England and had English friends, had a career, earned her own money and some expected her to sit and have tea like she was some 20 year old, unworldly, wet behind the ears, green as grass rookie? Really??
    I will never forget when Diana died. I had fallen asleep with the TV on & was watching CNN. I awoke when they announced the accident. I watched all the coverage for days on end. I couldn't believe how long everyone had to wait for things to be done. Watching the Queen was the real revelation, though. So out of touch with the people. She's a business woman who has devoted her life to the people of England. I admire her very much, but she has always been out of touch with regular people. She's never lived or been close to working class people. That's not her way, but it is the way that Harry and Meghan conduct themselves with their charities. Perhaps they are very wealthy, but they still have empathy for others and don't want to be or feel stifled doing what comes naturally for them. I love them both very much.

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  64. They need help but they are choosing bad outlets for their frustrations and struggles. What history shows with Diana and Charles is that the media and public is NOT the place to solve / air / share your struggles. You do that in your support circle and in therapy and ONLY when you have dealt with your struggles can you safely share some of your story with the purpose of helping others. This couple has been making unwise decisions. Meghan's jab at the culture she married in will not endear her any further. Yes air your feelings but be wise in how, when and where.

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    1. Agreed.

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    2. Lize, I agree that airing their frustrations in public is not the way to solve their problems. Anonymous 4:38, while Meghan was involved in charity work for many years, had traveled, had a career,and was much older than Diana when Diana joined the RF, even all that experience could not prepare her for life in the RF. I think Meghan still needed to be eased in to the role.

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  65. Might not be popular opinion but it is hard to believe the Royal Family it is not supportive of Meghan and Harry. In the beginning they are multiple reports of the Queen and Meghan seeing each other for tea, invitations to Balmoral, Charles and Meghan getting on so well over history, music and books, during the engagement interview Harry was beaming that Meghan is so welcomed by everyone and she is gonna have the family she never had (his own words). So I have a hard time to accept that without a reason one day they just turned their backs on Harry and Meghan. If something really happened (even if it is just wrong expectations) it is only fair to accept that everyone involved didn't handle the situation the best way.

    Their PR is a mess. They might be successful people but, not have full understanding what the Royal Family is all about or just a good fit. I know modernization of an ancient institution sounds amazing on paper but in reality might end up being the end of the Royal Family, as the control of their existence is in the hands of the taxpayers. Any decision that is made it has to have to some extend the British people in mind and to keep them happy. It is a strange life but it might be somewhat worth it if the members of the Royal Family haven given it up yet.

    Without the Royals duties and the press, Meghan has so much to get use to it-new country, new husband and a baby by itself is overwhelming. Kate has been and still is criticized that she is not working more but might be a good coping mechanism to protect her sanity and family. I hope Meghan and Harry can step back and enjoy this precious time with Archie. There is plenty of time in the future to edit Vogue or taking more than they can handle at the moment. Wishing them all the best.

    Eva

    *Apologies for all the grammar and punctuation mistakes, English is my second language.

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  66. Sorry but just another thought. Who are these 'sources' that are passing on all this personal information about Harry and Meghan's activities e.g her emailing habits. Surely they have no right to remain in their employment. Any issues of concern should be dealt with privately and solutions sought in accordance with good employment practice. Also who is the reliable 'source' who says that William is 'concerned'.

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  67. Food for thought!
    https://www.laineygossip.com/prince-william-reportedly-furious-at-prince-harry-worried-about-him-following-release-of-itvs-documentary/58815

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    1. Caroline in Montana22 October 2019 at 23:05

      so you just posted a thread to a gossip magazine here that furthers the vicious cycle of bullying the members of the BRF? think before you write indeed.

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    2. Thanks for posting Anett. I appreciate her perspective actually.

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  68. I'm curious to see how all the people giving advice on here would react if they were in this exact same position. They aren't perfect and neither is their team, no one is! But it's easy to assume your thoughts on how they should have handled/are handling this situation are correct when you're sitting behind a screen on the "sidelines" and not involved in the "game". Charlotte I agree with you that they need support and your line "take a moment to pause and listen before leaping in to criticise them" is so valid. Many are quick to type and send "advice" and make assumptions without knowing all the details.

    Nadia J

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  69. It is all so very sad. I would never presume to give advice. We all know that the tabloids will print anything to sell their disgraceful papers. It is prevalent in the USA too. I just wish them peace, and the strength to make it for the long run.

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    1. Zora from Prague22 October 2019 at 20:16

      Yes, I agree: the tabloids will print anything to sell as long as there are people who buy this disgraceful stuff.
      We have tabloid press in my country too, and although I never buy it I know one thing: to hope tabloid papers will be fair is similar to hoping darkness would be light.

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  70. It struck me as awfully sweet that she said that she would apologize for making amistake if the things said about her were true. She seems so real and true -- I am really glad they will take time off in CA, assuming that is true. Doria strikes me as a realist and she is in counseling, so I hope she can let the most logical course present itself to M&H. I think H needs a lot of soothing and M needs a lot of practical advice.

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  71. I have followed the royal family for a long time, since I was a little girl and my mom woke me up in time to see Prince Charles and Princess Diana.  After following them for that long of a time I have learned 1 thing... regardless of how much money or prestige at the end of the day they are all human.  One of the things I truly loved about Diana was that she showed the world a fairy tale could happen and then she showed you could survive when the fairy tale fell apart. 

    I hope that Meghan and Harry can figure out the balance between the fairy tale and the reality.

     

    All that being said the problems I have with this latest development is as follows:

     

    1. This documentary was no place to air their grievances.  I do not doubt that they have very problems but this trip was designed and they were invited to visit this area and highlight their struggles and give the world insight into their lives. Harry and Meghan should have waited until they were home and time had pass to find a suitable venue to express their problems otherwise it , to me at least, comes off as VERY privileged people complaining about their feelings while directing their private staff and trying to plan their next private jet vacation.  This is not reality but how it appears to me at least. If they had taken the time to wait and think about what they wanted to say and how to express it they could have taken their very real and deep problems and related them to their ongoing mental health initiative. 

    2. I don't believe from all I have read (and it has been extensive) that Meghan suffers from more criticism then most of the royal family.  Diana was raked over the coals, Charles was destroyed and has yet to recover, don't even get me started on Camilla and Kate has been dubbed waitey Katey as a teenager and duchess doolittle now.  They have all gone through it and Harry and Meghan have to get through it and learn their own boundaries and enforce them with the press.

     

     

    They both seem to be truly lovely people dealing with hard issues like postpartum and grief of losing a parent all while doing it in front of the world. I hope they take time and heal and grow together as a couple as well as a team.  Maybe the spotlight is something they just can't handle right now.

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    1. All royals have faced media criticism (some more than others) but the difference is that the crutch of that criticism (or outright lies) isn't based on how they look, they're racial background or their nationality. Try "getting through it" and "establishing boundaries" when what you are fighting against is using things you can't change.

      Mandy

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    2. In agreement Mandy. I don’t want to be complicit in letting racist bullies get away with this behavior.

      Discouraging to see people supporting giving in and disappearing as the way out as if these three can ever disappear and the tabloids wouldn’t hunt them down in private life.

      You can’t let people who claim to be “professionals” get away with writing lies, gaslighting, racist and misogynistic bullying by lying down and taking such abuse. And this is abuse.



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    3. As the mother of a bi-racial 40 year old son, I can assure you their despair is much more than hurt feelings. I stopped reading any articles about them in the British press tabloids. Hate! Pure hate, and I know why. I fear for both of their lives.

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  72. I think many people don’t realize how racist and misogynistic behaviors are being normalized in everyday middle class household. A mom in California spoke up about this.

    It’s relevant here because it’s a social commentary of our times as to how we are so easily influenced by social media, the frequency and the mind boggling volume of this stuff and how it creeps into our speech, acceptance and beliefs.

    Just reading the comments, people are using words and phrases that the tabloids put out and groups like megxit. There’s no confirmation Harry is going postal or suffering from a mental breakdown and that they plan to run off to find a new home in Africa. This is gossip. The tabloids frame Meghan as overreaching and trying to do too much instead of hanging out in Anglesey like W &K. Or waited 2-3 years to have a baby like Kate. This is people who don’t have the best interest of this couple, don’t know them personally but suddenly expert Windsor family counselors ?

    Why are we listening to the tabloids and trolls for advice? This is a couple in their 30’s who chose when they wanted to have a baby. It’s their right and none of our business. They did NOT complain about the work. They asked for media fairness. They didn’t object to media criticism. They objected to media abuse.

    https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/22/us/california-mother-warning-white-supremacists-soh/index.html

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  73. Gosh, I really like Meghan but this interview was awful. The paparazzi in the USA isn't fair. Why would she think it would be fair in the UK when their press is known for their ruthlessness. She is not the first to get this kind of treatment. Obviously, the Princess of Wales, but also Princess Margaret and Jackie Kennedy. The stories of these three women were awful. It is best to not read the newspapers and stay off the Internet. That way she will not see these hateful articles. The rest of the Royal Family have had to put up with this all their lives. Meghan, please do not focus on the press. Focus on your family and your job. That way your life will be easier and less stressful. You will also have to stay out of public spaces if you do not want to be photographed. Going to Wimbledon and asking not to be photographed is unrealistic. You have a lovely home on the Windsor grounds to enjoy. Plus there are the other Royal homes I am sure you could use. It is a restricting life but it also has great privileges. Good luck and chin up.

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    1. Wow...so because other women have gone through a similar experience, Meghan should just take it?? Well, I applaud them for speaking out! The tabloids are now shamefully using ‘mental health’ as another way to bash them. H&M are not ‘fragile’. To put up with this amount of vitriol, day after day, takes strength.

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    2. So...because other royals and celebrities have been through a similar experience, Meghan should just take it? Well, I applaud them for speaking out! The tabloids are now shamefully using ‘mental health’ as another way to bash them. H&M are not ‘fragile’. To put up with this amount of vitriol, day after day, takes strength.

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    3. I didn't say she should take it and I didn't say they are fragile. I agree with her decision to sue the press over her letter. However, this is a very public role and others have had this type of hateful press and gotten on with life. I simply think they should get on with life and not let the press get to them. The majority of the public do not believe what is printed anyway so why focus on it. Most of us really like both of them and agree with the work they are doing. The more you focus on the Press the more power you give them in your life. For their own mental health they need to just "get on with things" and ignore the Press. The rest of the Royal Family has done this most of their lives.

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    4. Wow. I'll just say it Unknown, this sounds like a sugar-coated version of an opinion (presented as facts) piece in the Daily Mail. Not ignoring the struggles that the other famous people and the rest of the royal had with the press, definitely terrible.The key difference is that they were never slandered because of their physical features, nationality or race. Like Charlotte said Meghan never received a fair shot at this. Purely because of things she didn't choose herself. I'm sure many will disagree that race/nationality is the issue. It's convenient and comfortable to do so, but it's not the reality.

      AJ

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  74. I have another thought...have anybody contemplated about how Meghan's torment can be made worse by her, a sort of inner conflict? She gave up a lot and she might be struggling with several aspects of being royal - as opposed to equality, she is now a part of a family that is considered highly superior. She said she's never defined herself through her relationship, but she had to give up even her name and she goes by a title, which is a strange concept to american mentality. She had to mute her political activism, because she became a part of an apolitical entity. She got a bigger voice for herself yet is not allowed to be as vocal and open as she used to be. I think this might have played quite a big role and although Meghan is strong and responsible enough not to mention it, her values might have been quite shaken by entering the RF.
    Ella

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    1. Meghan answered your very good questions herself when you listen to her speeches. She’s capable like many of us to contain our political views at work or when it’s not appropriate. Her work ethics and values are more in sync with the RF. Her fight is with the tabloids,

      Regarding the royal family as superior is a new concept to me. The younger generations try to be more relatable and many don’t really have a choice as they try to find ways to support themselves. Family connections and namesake help but bills still have to be paid. It’s why you see them sponsoring certain brands. Compare to the Thai monarchy which sees itself superior and with far more power over the country. The Thai royal family's massive wealth makes it one of the wealthiest and most powerful in the world. The British royals look like pauper in comparison. Watching the Queen being duped into reading that speech at Parliament reveals how hamstrung the royals are. That was an uncomfortable watch for me. But if I had to choose between the Thai or British, I choose British constitutional monarchy anyday. The will of the people reigns.

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    2. Anon 12.25 just to clearify what I meant by "superior"...even though the younger generation is trying to be relatable and civil and they are doing a great job, still, they have a unique position in society. They have power (although diminished by the constitutional system), wealth and social status. They are not ordinary people - and although they are being more "like us" or down to earth than ever before, there is still the idea that they are not an ordinary family, they are just...royal. That status is not obtained by special skills/hard work but either by birth or marriage. On the contrary, Meghan has been quite a self-made-woman. And certainly she has fought a lot for the fact that people are born equal.

      Maybe she is not very comfortable with this status or position, as I'd say after seeing her so shy about OYW leader's curtsy to her or after she said "I am still just Meghan" in the interview.
      Ella

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  75. The more I think about their actions here, the happier I am they took this stance. The Royal family have lived in the past far too long. Antiquated thoughts and behaviors. Tradition be damned. Tradition sometimes stands for keeping people stuck in the roles that were out upon them years ago. Tradition always seem to affect women and children and minorities...strange how that is. Tradition never seemed to have hampered white men

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    1. Zora from Prague24 October 2019 at 07:41

      I strongly disagree with the generalization "tradition be damned". Perhaps sometimes tradition keeps people stuck..., but I really wouldn't like to live in a world without traditions. Even thinking about such a world makes me sick. Traditions also help people to survive, to support specific communities, to remember, to treasure the good that the generations before us had worked and fought for, to protect uniqueness.

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  76. I'm now viewing Meghan's comments as part of their legal fight against the tabloids. She is explaining why they chose to fight the tabloids, how the hurt has damaged human beings. Harry seems to be continuing the hurt he felt even before Diana was killed, as his family and their terrible problems were exploited in the press. And then as diana was chased.

    It seems the press has changed from chasing to just lying. And I think the press is worst on Meghan, and I know it's because she "doesn't belong." Kate was called waity and lazy, which was ridiculous but that seemed to be the extent. Camilla and Charles really were engaged in some behavior that many would not think is acceptable, and that led people to think, well, the rumors were true then, so they must be true about Meghan? Or al least some must be true. And she had that horrible Markle gang with their truly unique behavior.

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  77. jmccain, your comment made me think of a boarder application of bucking the system. It is more than just how some 20 members of a family act, whether they complain or conform to a protocol that is often nonexistent. Many no doubt use the RF to justify their views on other people, and by freeing up the RF, it can in turn free people who are not born in the UK or are female or are Muslim or show their shoulders! It can make the people who some wish to view as "other" just as valid. I very much appreciate W&K's stances on people who are gay or trans, as well as mental health issues, but I also wish I could see a bit of a group hug. Kate's brother apparently had/had terrible problems, and I don't feel a separatistness between him and his family that I feel for M&H.

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  78. I have to admit, I am not sure how I feel about the interview. While the title indicated it was about Africa, it really wasn't, in my opinion.

    I am a Harry and Meghan fan. I've enjoyed watching them work together and alone to support what they believe in. I do believe, however, that the documentary did not highlight their work enough.

    In my humble opinion, a second interview focusing on what they have and are going through and highlighting their mental health programs would have been much better than trying it to the Africa tour.

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Welcome to Mad About Meghan! We do so look forward to reading your thoughts. Constructive, fair debate is always encouraged. Hateful, derogatory terms and insults are not welcome here. This space focuses on Harry and Meghan, not any other member of the Royal family. It's not the place to discuss politics either. Thank you for reading, we look forward to your comments :)